Month December 2018

Are We Happy Yet?

Elle Reverie Leave a comment

It’s the most wonderful time of the year…according to a song written 55 years ago. And, that song, “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” is definitely a raucous party tune that depicts what it would be like to have wonderful friends and a family that actually gets along.

Among the festivities detailed in the song is the Victorian tradition of telling “scary ghost stories,” like in Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol. The song also talks about fabulous parties with family, spur of the moment drop-ins by friends and the whole human race engaging in various forms of social togetherness.

But, are we really feeling the wonder and joy and most importantly…are we even happy? It’s truly hard to tell anymore since up is down, down is up, the truth is a lie and lies are what currently cause the world spin on its axis of corruption and policy of personal profiteering. Ho! Ho! Ho!  Hand over your morals, your vote, and your wallet!

Why in the holy hell can’t people learn to get along??? Why are scowling, spittle spraying, bloated politicians being allowed to tinker with our moral compass in such a deliberate way that it’s making it hard to find our way home? Why are we stuck in the loop of only telling fear-inducing “scary ghost stories” or, the “us against them” staged tales? What is the lesson here? Even Ebenezer Scrooge learns his lesson and softens his heart or has that ending been changed now?

I’m tired.

I’m tired of listening to hate-filled opinions, twisted facts, and false information. I’m tired of knowing that my family was destroyed decades ago, through no fault of my own, but yet still today, I continue to carry the burden of guilt anyway.

Tired! Tired! Tired!

Look at what refusal to compromise has done. Look at what the desire to always be right rather than loving has accomplished. Does it make us happy?  Does it make us whole?

No? Then fix it! I can’t do that for you.

Little by little I am trying to fix the broken connections around me because it is my job to do so. My life, my mess, my job. I started first by examining my own heart to see where I needed to make repairs and then I looked at the grudges and resentments I continue to hold on to.

It’s hard to let go when you think you are so right and the other side is so wrong but what is left in the middle? Compromise? Peace maybe? I think I can forgo taking on the mantle of the Queen of Right in order to secure some peace for myself. Those who think that giving up the chance to WIN are missing the point that NO ONE WINS when you are standing all alone in your bitter victory.

For the sake of all humanity…welcome peace into your life. All fighters lose a battle eventually but it is the grace they show in defeat that lifts them up to the real winner’s circle in life. And that is a fact!

© 2018 L.A. Askew

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to “In the Land of Reverie” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Rehumanize yourself…

Elle Reverie Leave a comment

The world has gone mad.

Angry mad. Crazy mad. Foaming at the mouth mad.

And, no one seems to care. Except me and other horrified reasonable people!

I care very much and want to right all the wrongs. I want to fix everything that got smashed in the fight, to tape back together the relationships that have been torn apart by rhetoric, nastiness, spite and blatant lies.

But, once something is repaired it is never the same. Sometimes it’s better than before because lessons were learned and other times suspicion lingers, poking out around the glued edges, rough to the touch and seething on the inside.

To illustrate this point I will offer up my own familial example of the inability to grow after a blow-up. Here we are zooming up on 9 months, holidays coming and going but still no offer to mend the tear created when guns and voting for the Orange Anus tore asunder what my bible misinterpreting parents created. For those that hate reading between the beautifully crafted lines: I’m talking about my younger sister drama.

Click Here To Be Brought Up To Speed

I could suck it up and reach out BUT, would it do any good? I’m thinking if we follow the words above about how repaired things are never the same; sometimes stronger, sometimes weaker, then I think my situation will be weaker since this drama likes to lie. We were raised to think lying was essential to creating a positive impression of self so there ya go. Learned from the worst!

http://rolereboot.org/family/details/2015-08-when-parents-still-abuse-their-adult-children/

I’m okay with starting again, with the understanding that EVERYTHING gets put on the table. No hiding anything, all resentment exposed because OBVIOUSLY there is a mountain of resentment. Even as nasty as things went down, horrific crashes can be worked on, patched up and put back on the road to recovery. I’m open even if she isn’t.

Now, back to my original thought; how nasty the world appears. Let’s be clear, it’s always had a nasty underbelly. There have always been horrible, vile, disgusting, evil, self-serving people ready to take and then destroy anyone or thing that stands in their way. That is a fact and not just a hunch. It’s just that now being openly horrible, vile, disgusting and evil is apparently chic and all the rage amongst the racist, misogynist, homophobic, white nationalist, Nazi, fascist and sociopathic/psychopathic crowd. White hoods are in this dark season! As is cruelty.

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/06/06/opinion/trump-winning-america-.html

We see you. We hear you. We will not let the world forget what you are trying to do.

We, the true loving heart of this county WILL stop you.

Did you really think you would win?

Now, let’s talk about cruelty…

I was born into a family that held up emotional and physical cruelty as a sure fire way to control those who needed to be held down and shown their place. That place was never higher than the task master’s place and hovered just a smidge below that of the family dog. To say that the dog received more consideration from my father than we, his own children, is no exaggeration. Oh, some may say I am embellishing but, the sharp sting of a balled up fist connecting with the tender spot right between my shoulder blades says otherwise. I don’t recall the dog ever being hit.

Dates, time and exact GPS coordinates of acts of abuse can be confused after many years but the feelings attached are not. To those who scream about PROOF and documented reporting of such criminality my response is, fuck you.  I was 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16 and so demoralized that the embarrassment of even acknowledging what my family became was debilitating.

Bravo to you if you weren’t abused or abusive…but, and if we are being honest here, those who shout down the victimized usually do so because they have skeletons of their own to hide. Look in the mirror before you start snarling m’kay?

So? How do we heal?

Slowly and carefully.

My plan is to move forward one step at a time, living my best life, and when opportunities to heal old wounds with my sister are presented I will address them in the moment. There will be no continued rehashing of old business because that is simply crazy making and I have done enough of that. The way I envision it, reconciliation will start with laying all the trash out on the table, sorting through it and then bagging it up and throwing it out for good. And, get this, healing an old wound can also be accomplished simply by saying “hello” to someone that you once told, “go fuck yourself.”

It can be accomplished without all the whatabouts and butyousaids simply because I say that is how I will do it. Be clear, I have no control over how other parties will approach it though and that is okay. Any start is a good start.

Set aside the anger and learn.

This is all I have so, it is what I will do.

What will you do?

© 2018 L.A. Askew
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to “In the Land of Reverie” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.