Farewell to friendship in the age of Trump

Goodbye spirited debate! So long teasing! Forget about it, polite conversation! Take a hike kindness. You’re done! Finished! Finito! Every attempt at online interaction now is fraught with misunderstanding, defensiveness and paranoia. What did you say about me? What did you mean by that?!? You are so naive, ignorant, liberal, conservative, arrogant, brainwashed, deplorable, gullible…on and on and on. You are either one of US or one of THEM!

Wait…what?

Now, to get to the heart of this blog confession; I was recently unfriended and blocked on social media by someone I have known since high school. While this isn’t the first former school chum to unfriend me this one certainly was the most surprising. Now, granted, we haven’t physically seen one another in over 20 years and every attempt I have made to connect, face-to-face, since 1997 has been rebuffed but, I’m confident when I say I tried! I called, texted and messaged, all out of genuine concern for a friend I wanted to keep in my life because I had fond memories of them from a time period when things weren’t as complicated.

We used to be really good friends…once…a long time ago.

Everything is complicated now! And mostly because people make it complicated for themselves.

It all began with a series of half satirical, half personal opinion posts about the Orange Scourge. Then, it involved replies on other friend’s posts and then my own response to said former friend who was clearly trying to either elicit an affirmation of his world view or a negative response to posting a blurb about how those still “fearful” of getting Covid-19 should just stay home while everyone “brave” and “patriotic” goes back to work. This is the same person who would regularly pop into comment feeds with harshly cold comments bereft of empathy and dripping with condescension and then when rebuffed would also try to disengage by saying, “Oh, I guess I don’t understand how social media works”, “I thought we could have a discussion but I guess I was wrong!” But, wait! You claim to be a sort-of Libertarian scholar so don’t you know it ALL? Tell us more Professor! Psst….THAT’S sarcasm by the way.

Yes, yes you do understand how dropping a shitty comment into the middle of friends bantering back and forth will be received. Yes, you do understand that the people you are crap-bombing are all outspoken women who are very adept at expressing their views and who don’t appreciate being talked down to. Yes, you knew this and yet chose to proceed because…you knew exactly what you were doing. The need for attention, whether it’s positive or negative is still with you even after all these years. Such is the way of the perpetual adolescent, demanding attention and then feigning dismay when things take a disturbing turn. Not my fault! Uh, huh…sure. If not yours then whose?

And, so I felt compelled to respond with a truthful statement that indeed, I shall stay home because I am lucky enough to have an employer that values my safety and one who can allow me to work from home. I acknowledge that I am very fortunate and appreciative of how my life has turned out. It seemed to be a benign enough proclamation until other comments involved telling the fearful, in this person’s view, to file for unemployment if they felt too scared to work. Not. That. Simple. For an all knowing Libertarian I’m shocked they don’t realize that if a stay at home order is lifted then the unemployment payments stop. If an employee decides to continue staying home they can either: 1) Burn up their sick and vacation time or: 2) Get fired for being insubordinate if they still refuse to come to work and risk getting or spreading Covid-19. If the second option occurs you can bet that the unemployment benefits process will start all over leaving the “fearful” without money coming in for a period of time combined with the indisputable knowledge that profits are more important than human lives. *Edit: The most likely scenario will be the reasonably concerned employee will balk at returning and the unsympathetic employer will consider that an, “I quit” which equals-no unemployment.

The former friend’s response? “Well, YOU just stay home and you’ll be safe…” Is there a sarcasm font? No? You’ll just have to read that in your best sarcastic and dismissive tone. You understand what sarcasm sounds like right? Some are confused as to what that is apparently (cough, cough…Trump) and after receiving a reply that a snotty, privileged Karen would give I read it to really mean, “And…all the rest of us patriots, unafraid of some silly virus and unwilling to give up our freedom (to infect) will move about the world touching and coughing on everything while you stay holed up in fear.”

The actual typed words may seem harmless on the surface but I know this game well. I recognize the short response, the clipped phrasing of impatience and defensive deflection, the bubbling irritation I have gotten so used to. I will pat you on the head with these dismissive words, words I don’t really mean but words I choose in order to belittle and embarrass you online. Words I would never try in person because I’m not good with face-to-face conflict. So brave, right?

Having dealt with many passive-aggressive individuals over the years I clearly recognize that when a rebuttal begins with WELL the resentment tends to run DEEP. I have no idea why this person would feel resentful towards me or toward any other friends so I won’t even hazard a guess. It doesn’t really matter. I simply don’t tolerate this type of childish drama in my life anymore so I’m not hurt by the severing of social media ties. Keeping self-absorbed online nasty comment bombers on my virtual “friend” list has lost it’s appeal and no matter what our history together was it’s now time to let go. I have grown up, they have not and that’s okay. I will not lose any sleep over our ridiculous falling out.

What does concern me, however, is the suspicion that all is not mentally well with my former friend despite denials when pressed via private message. There is something off here, something that doesn’t make sense and even though I have asked if I can be supportive and be of service my assistance is not welcome. I can respect that. Again, I tried so now all I can do is wish them well, hope they are okay and leave them in the past.

Farewell friend! I knew you once but now, I hardly know thee at all.

© 2020 L.A. Askew

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to “In the Land of Reverie” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Welcome to the New Abnormal…

I haven’t felt like writing for over a month. A feeling of doubt over what I was hearing and seeing turned into uncertainty which then turned into anxiety and worry about those I love. How can I protect them? How can I protect myself? I watched some news, tried to work from home, cleaned, checked my food and cleaning products supply and then watched more news, checked social media, looked at the dismissive posts and memes, looked at the doom and gloom posts and memes.

And then, the numbness came.

There is nothing remotely ‘normal’ about current events. We have turned a strange dark corner where we no longer recognize ourselves, loved ones, neighbors or friends as safe and secure…nothing is safe anymore. But, was it ever really safe to begin with or have we just been pretending all these years? Of course we always want to think nothing can happen here! We are so special. The chosen ones! Bullshit, all of it.

Everything is uncertain. COVID-19 outcomes scream frightening uncertainty and, that is terrifying for many. As it should be. This is not the “common flu” so stop calling it that you ignorant assholes! What the hell is the matter with you?

https://www.livescience.com/undetected-infections-coronavirus-widespread.html

Speaking as a formerly suspicious, anti-social Aquarius, someone who defiantly shied away from the hug of a stranger, someone who, rather than having to stop in a store and talk to anyone I knew would spin on a dime to walk the other way, this hasn’t been a struggle. Small talk irritated me and sharing feelings was viewed as a fate worse than death. I didn’t care one bit if I appeared ill-manner or unfriendly because what others could do without hesitation, I experienced great personal pain and anxiety over. If dying from embarrassment was a real thing then I believed it would happen to me.

But, after years of therapy and growth of wisdom through aging, I grew past those inclinations and learned a more personal way to connect with others and a more honest approach to interacting with the world at large. I evolved. Grudgingly at first, but I did it. And, now that progress must be put on hold for the foreseeable future and, I’m cool with that. It could save you and it could save me. And so, I will abide.

However, the thing that I cannot abide with is the blatant misinformation, false hope and lies, huge whopper lies that do nothing but put people in potential danger. Like, lose your life danger. The nonchalant, flippant attitude of those who are so used to lies that they no longer believe the truth even if it comes up and slaps an N95 respirator mask on their face and showers them in hand sanitizer. What will it take? Mass causalities? The loss of someone close to you? But even if that happens will they even realize they’ve been horribly duped? Nah, probably not. Too invested in the con I suppose.

God, what have we become? Where are we going? And, when we arrive at our final destination will we see sunshine or storm clouds in the rear view mirror of our lives? All of this over a virus or, was this comeuppance simply a long time in coming? I wish I knew so I could warn everyone I know because it’s not so much the vehicle that is driving this current panic that we should fear as it is the carnival barkers hawking the continued false narrative of ALL IS WELL! IT’S A HOAX! IT’S NOT THAT BAD! YOU’RE OVERREACTING!

FUCK YOU!

All is not well. It hasn’t been for a long time and if you turn off your televisions, tune out your racist relatives and paranoid former classmates who peaked in high school you just might hear a tune that sounds like crystal clear common sense dancing on the wind. It’s there, slow the hell down, utilize what’s left of your common sense and stop being an irresponsible idiot. It’s not all about YOU! There are other people on this planet you know?

So now, wash your goddamn hands, stay the fuck home and stop buying more shit than you need! Living the life of an asshole is no life at all but endangering the lives of others and taking from those in need is unforgivable. Do better! And to all the arrogant maggots who say things like, “We will all die someday”…eat shit. No one gave you the power to speed up another person’s “someday” just because you want to go to Walmart. Again, and I repeat for the dense pricks in the back…it’s not all about YOU.

STAY THE FUCK HOME!!!

© 2020 L.A. Askew

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to “In the Land of Reverie” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Winning at all costs!

This is an open letter to all the WINNERS out there.

How’s that going for you? Do you feel morally fortified and emotionally cleansed yet? Have the heavens opened up to embrace your fervent world view as THE ONLY ONE, the absolute correct one and does your ill-treatment of anyone considered “outside” that myopic gaze ring up as justified yet?

Are you EXONERATED in the eyes of the evil masses and proclaimed the supreme WINNER, the #1 with the ultimate authority to exact retribution on those who refused to believe? If so, it is crystal clear now that happy times are not here to stay because they never arrived to begin with.

Winning isn’t always a happy event…

When one person wins another loses. And, it is in that very act of choosing how to behave when victorious that honor, benevolence, humility…whatever word you want to assign here so as not to appear the crowing, insecure, vindictive asshole, that a true leader is formed. I see none of that on display of late from either those who call themselves LEADERS or from those who dare to say they, too, are our partners here in this thing called the human race. We are just like you! But, only if you cheat, steal and lie faster than THOSE PEOPLE!

Well, they are content being around THEIR kind…not the kind that welcomes minorities, uppity women, suspicious foreigners, the accursed educated, those weary of the lies told by the conveniently Christian. Anyone that questions the validity of a sketchy world view, is in fact, demonized with constant deflection while the TRUE BELIEVERS (cult of personality and prosperity followers) are hailed as heroes. Especially when their shared, and highly skewed world view is based on the Grab Everything For Yourself And Fuck Everyone Else philosophy.

Sound about right?

Now, winning is only good and pure and holy if you are of a certain hue. Beige, pink, pale, chalk, light tan, maybe sun-kissed tan, but not too tan. And now, curiously, any shade of cowardly orange. To stand victorious while being any other shade will garner outrage, scorn, cries of deception, wails of HOW DARE THEY! Don’t say that’s inaccurate or try to cover it with the cheap tablecloth of any flimsy whataboutism rebutal or offer examples of “a few that slipped through” the wall of white.

Yes, more people than just white people win, it’s just that everyone else has to run twice as far to get to the finish line and even when they cross their victory is always suspect, forever and ever, amen. It’s a hard truth to accept and an even harder one to voice since I am part of that race but, it is true and it won’t become less true until more of us acknowledge it. A problem cannot be solved until it is acknowledged and once it is knowledge becomes true power.

And, by power I don’t mean the same old, worn out, rich, male, white boots on the backs of everyone else kind. I mean the knowledge of deeply understanding and recognizing the pain caused to our fellow humans, the knowledge of how to help heal the hearts of those who hate, the knowledge that minds can be changed, opinions reshaped and fear can be escorted out the door for good.

Also, if we are still being honest here, isn’t it the fear that we will be usurped, replaced, upended, dislodged or seen as unequal ourselves that continues to push the merry-go-round of misery many of us live on or perpetuate? Be honest. If everyone is allowed to win then who’s top dog? Who’s king, queen, ruler, emperor…superior?

I know the answer. You know the answer too.

In a world of true equals no one needs to be on top, standing on the accomplishments, the hard work, sweat labor or forced compliance of anyone else. We won’t need to because we will be too busy creating, producing, contributing and living life right next to them. We will be satisfied with our place in the world because it won’t depend on the suffering of others to exist. You will do your thing that makes a positive difference in the world, I will do my thing that carves safe passage for everyone around me and so on and so forth. See?

If only that could be true! But, its not and won’t be until the milquetoast of the world stop averting their eyes from reality in order to receive monetary, mental and social compensation for their continued silence on all matters not white. If it isn’t for the betterment of those white, male and rich, pay it no mind. Stay silent, stay behind the scenes, stay unwilling to get involved because, yeah, that will sure make a good character case for you on judgement day won’t it? I don’t believe in this set Day of Judgment thing because some people are pretty good at being judge, jury and executioner right here and right now but here’s a cute dialogue that just popped into my head below.

God (or whatever you believe or don’t): Why did you just stand by and let all of these horrible things happen to your fellow humans?

Milquetoast: I was told it wasn’t my problem so I shouldn’t get involved.

God: Okay, but didn’t you know you had the ability to affect change and that the best way to create that change was to simply use your voice to call out injustice as you saw it happening?

Milquetoast: But, but…the others would have yelled at me! They would have threatened me and tried to hurt me!

God: By others you mean those the same skin tone as you correct?

Milquetoast: Of course!

God: So, they would have treated you the same way they treated everyone else different from them? You didn’t speak up because you feared retribution or a similar harm that those you chose to ignore received?

Milquetoast: Yes. I have a God-given right to protect myself!

God: Come again? I gave you what now? Nope, not me. I’m not here to GIVE you anything. You are here to give to one another so when you take from others you, ironically, take from yourself. So…because of that there’s nothing left of you that’s good, kind or pure.

Milquetoast: WHAT! But, I’m white! That’s gotta count for something!

God: What part of love one another did you not understand?

Get it together people! We are dying a slow, painful death from utter stupidity and willful complacency. All is not well and no one group wins all the time…just wait. History is littered with the tales of winners turning into utter losers, like losing by death type losers. Was the hollow victory worth it for them? Maybe, in the moment, but when Oprah (or Chaucer or Mutual of Omaha) jumped out with a sharp Aha Moment sword everything became clear.

Don’t get Aha’d like that. It’s going to hurt.

Oh, and Google the Oprah/Chaucer/Mutual of Omaha obscure reference. I’m too tired to explain.

© 2020 L.A. Askew

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to “In the Land of Reverie” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

The place where loyalty and forgiveness lies…

At one time I placed a great amount of loyalty in the hands of people who constantly drove over me with their jealousy fueled anger bus and people who saw betrayal as a means to an end. An end that benefited them only and cut me to the quick, slicing deeper and deeper until I no longer recognized myself.

And, in failing to recognize who I truly was I also failed to see those who flipped on me, those who extracted a perverted measure of satisfaction from my pain, for who they truly were as well. The words, “They are all you have” echoed through the pain and still, I went back. Forgive and forget! Just move on! Are you STILL hanging on to this?

You bet! Not getting let off the hook that easy you psycho…

That place, the sovereign soil of heritage over honor and blood over truth remains contaminated, an inhospitable tenement with no safe harbor. Each trip I made to its doorstep ended in an unsettled feeling of impending tragedy, or, so as not to seem overly dramatic, a nagging sense that I absolutely did not belong there.

Why is it so hard to let go of things, places and people that no longer work in our lives? Letting go of those who hurt us over and over? Is it because we fear being wrong to stay angry or is it because we might be very right to not forgive and admitting this comes with a large dose of regret and embarrassment over not doing it sooner?

How did we come from that place? How did we come from those people? Where is our place in this world now?

And, what about forgiveness? Oh, yes, the ultimate selfish demand from those with every intention of never changing, never apologizing and every intention to do harm again. Who is forgiveness for again? You? Them? Or, is the saintly Mother Forgiveness and the warm glow of salvation she’s rumored to bring just a myth?

“Oh, you MUST forgive or you will live with anger and bitterness!”

Okay. Are you sure about that? I heard once that anger is an energy, a motivator, a teacher. I also heard that angry women are _________, choose whichever derogatory term, typically men, apply to women who refuse to bend, break and, refuse to…forgive. My refusal is no admission of guilt. No, it’s a firm foot being placed solidly on the ground that says, “No sir, my life will not be played out on your terms.” This is my life, my choice and I’m perfectly content knowing there are Forgiveness Soldiers out there that demonize me for being strong.

I owe you nothing.

The anger I felt inside moved me forward. The anger I felt inside pushed me to look at people closer. The anger I felt inside urged me to listen to my gut. I am not stuck, bitter, sad, tortured or any of those negative things promised by the pious. Its almost as if they want us to be unhappy…just so they can feel right. Go figure.

© 2020 L.A. Askew

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to “In the Land of Reverie” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

I hate to burst your bubble…

Well, no, I don’t hate it. It’s inevitable and needed and the most positive aspect of being alive. Living in a homogenized bubble, filled with bias, myth, misinformation and ignorance of those unlike ourselves is a misery of our own making. And, proudly displaying prejudice and smug judgment are not good qualities. They just aren’t and never will be. Ever.

I am not like you and you are not like me and that’s a good thing. Do you hear that? Shall I turn this post up? Your life experiences intrigue me enough to prompt a discussion about how and why you believe the way you do yet, for some inexplicable reason, you don’t want to know the how and why of me. How come? You’re too good to learn new things?

Bubbles form, float and then explode. They were never meant to exist forever so why do some people cling to their need to stay in an “unlearning” environment? Barking on and on about snowflakes and safe space demanding wimps while also grousing about failed relationships and financial hardships. These are also things snowflakes and wimps deal with but, hey, why focus on similarities?

When the inflexible name callers refuse to entertain the idea that people vastly different from them deserve the exact same rights they, themselves, take for granted it says more about their character than the people they are fearfully attacking. It’s their way or get out of America for they have appointed themselves the judge of what Americans should be. Who said only one race, one sex, one religion should reap the rewards of social acceptability, personal freedom and success in life?

Who? I think it’s pretty obvious that the top white dog always makes sure they get the bone and everyone else can just lump it. To refuse to see that and only moan about reverse discrimination or every other nonsensical Whataboutism the tragically incurious vomit up is pure poison. It is the absolute definition of a life shortchanged, an opportunity to grow misused and outright lost.

But, do they even want to grow? Maybe not. Are they so afraid to step outside of their beige bubble because they just might find out they don’t know it all, their beliefs aren’t all correct and they are actually the greedy grabbers getting all the good stuff simply because of how they look. Bastards! Taking everything for themselves and leaving nothing for anyone else!

Me??? I’m not entitled!! How dare you!

If you are offended by being called a greedy grabber who demands everything for yourself because of the long held belief that you and those like you “deserve” the American dream more than “those people” then, good! What you are actually feeling is guilt not righteous indignation so learn from it. Guilt, after all, is a sign that something in your soul knows making derogatory statements about others doesn’t prove you are better than they are, it only proves you live in fear of retribution. It proves that you are small-minded and insecure. It also proves that hope still exists.

Tearing down those we fear doesn’t build anyone up nor does it create power. It literally activates paranoia and suspicion, the very stuff that slowly kills us from the inside out. I fear you, you fear me and eventually no one talks anymore because, god, humans are scary and learning to communicate honestly and effectively is a lost art. And, why should we talk to each other when posting false propaganda online is so much more fun? Right? No, it’s wrong. Period. Keep it up and it won’t make much difference because, you and the other soon to be extinct divisive dinosaurs will be gone. Guess who will take your place? People willing to evolve, people willing to learn from their mistakes and the mistakes of their ancestors. Crazy, right? It’s already happening.

So, before you wax nostalgic about the “good old days” when everyone stayed in their own segregated bubbles, no one challenged your bullshit and everyone just nodded in fake agreement so your fragile ego didn’t get shattered…stop and look in the mirror. Does the person you see still resemble the child you once were? The child who only wanted someone, anyone to play with and didn’t care what they looked like, what their religion was, what genitals they had, what gender they felt like inside, who they loved or what their socioeconomic status was…none of it mattered.

Just in case you need a refresher…and, yes, I’m being an over-educated snot here. Why? Because I can and it’s fun!

The DIFFERENCES did not matter! Can you hear that? Do you remember when it didn’t matter to you or…are you too caught up in the great War of Words? The Keyboard Warrior Challenge? The Comrade’s Crafty Psychological Experiment? The Their Facts Aren’t My Facts Fight? I could go on and on because so much of the shit both “sides” lob at one another has been manufactured and force fed to unwitting dupes looking for anything that might help them regain their tenuous grasp on both reality and a perceived place of acceptance and power. Remember, each time you toss crap the odds of getting poop back-splash are pretty good.

© 2019-2020 L.A. Askew

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to “In the Land of Reverie” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to expect when your only child goes off to college or: The misery of realizing you are old!

I only have one child. An amazing daughter who inherited many of my personality quirks and who also took that shared DNA and molded it into something even better than I could have ever imagined! She’s bursting with potential and I am trying my hardest not to fuck anything up for her as she moves into her second year of college and finally away from the home nest for good.

Today, I walked into her nearly empty bedroom and the instantaneous sensation of tears welling up in my eyes took me by surprise. I felt the tell-tale tightening of the chest, that vise grip around the heart feeling and I wanted to crumple into a ball on the floor and cry. The realization that this was most likely the last summer she would “come home” and from here on out I will only see her on brief visits over the holidays struck me hard.

Where did the time go? How could the years fly so fast? How did I get so damn old?

Well…I can and do sit around and talk about pooping ALL the time. The kid does it too. Kinda our thing much to Manly Man’s utter chagrin but, come on! Everyone poops, everyone gets old and if we can’t talk about it then why are we even here?

So, back to my sadness over no longer being the one getting asked, “Hey Mom? Where is my charger, book, this. that and the other?” No, wait…I just got a text from my daughter asking me where her Airpods are. And…now another asking me where her flatiron is. Mind you, I’m over 400 miles away but damned if I don’t know exactly where those things are! Mom’s know…everything!

I am thankful for the age of constant digital connection, the FaceTime era where you can see loved ones, often just in weird angle, poorly lit shots of their nose, eyes and forehead while they are lying in bed or lounging on the couch. It’s not pretty but its connecting and I’ll take it!

I’ll take any type of communication now because I know the “little girl” days are over and that is painful. So painful I now have a daily slideshow of memories from the past floating around every corner of my mind at any given moment. I see her room, in our new house and I flash back to an image of her crib, in our old house, with its cute bumper pad and mobile attached to the rail. I see the rocking chair I used to sit in, rocking her to sleep each night while listening to lullabies. I see the stack of favorite books and toys and I long for that again, with her.

Now, mind you, those days included some very irritating moments too which involved an ex-spouse and ex-in laws but I am able to freeze frame the good parts, the laughter and joy I shared with her. I know I will have many more opportunities to experience happiness within her current orbit but those sweet, silly and free moments from her childhood were so satisfying to remember! And, also so, so very sad to look back on now!

Damn it Buble!!!!!!

It’s hard knowing you can’t go back, ever. You can’t get a piece of that bliss, just a small sliver to carry with you now as a reminder that you did something right and your life actually had many amazing pockets of success hidden amongst the bitter experiences. I made it out intact and she made it out as well so now…I just want to focus on the amazing things and let go of all the garbage.

Yes, I made many mistakes with her father but in the here and now I want to move forward new and clean. She doesn’t have to worry about me because I am with a devoted partner who loves her as well and is so very proud of her just like I am. I am OKAY! I just need to learn how to remember wonderful moments with her without the twinge of regret or second guessing myself. I SHOULD have done a lot of things differently but the one thing I did right was having her. That will always be my greatest accomplishment in life, hands down.

https://grownandflown.com/empty-nest-kids-leave-me-behind/

And now I sit alone thinking about her and struggling to find my new path in life. No one really tells you that after your children grow into adults and take off to live their own lives you will be left with an aching void. You are left with a feeling of confusion over what to do next. Am I still a parent or has that chapter concluded? Do I get to go back to being a woman, partner, friend, coworker now or have I always been these things all along it’s just that society told me I could only pick one to be at a time? I was never told what to do with myself once that job was done. Is this a mid-life crisis or a no-life reality?

We give up a lot of our former selves to be parents but what happens when we forget where we left the person we used to be before our children came along? I think I remember where she is…but, do I really want to find her again? So many questions and to think our college age offspring are contemplating who they want to be at the very same time we are trying to remember who we once were. It’s a bit freaky right? I literally want to ask her where I left all my shit now! “Hey, newly adult child? Where did I leave my dreams, my ambition and my sanity?” I just need to know what my role is now.

© 2019 L.A. Askew

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to “In the Land of Reverie” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

As much as we’d like…there’s just no blocking out those who try our sanity forever.

Unfollow. Unfriend. Report. Block.

All of the above are temporary actions that fail to access deep into the core of what is truly wrong within any relationship, whether that be online or real time.

Last night I had a dream that I saw my sister sitting at a bar looking at me from across the room. She looked sad and was beckoning me to come and sit by her. My SO moved past me in the dream to talk to her and after a few moments came back and said, “You made the right decision.”

What does that mean? That I was correct in placing her outside my life for a while, like a time-out for unruly toddlers or that I was right to stop letting our angry interactions of the past impact my here and now? There are days and weeks that go by now where I don’t give her or any of my other ousted family members a thought. That once bothered me a lot. It doesn’t anymore.

My sister and I haven’t spoken in almost two years so to have that dream was both a little alarming but also, telling. The telling part is that this was an obvious signal pointing to a tale of misguided jealousy and misinformation spun out of control, nudging my subconscious to either defrag and reboot the experience or delete it all together.

By delete I mean forgive, let it go, move on or any other trite word people use to describe an action they should do and want to do but can’t because they are cowards deep down inside. I don’t consider myself a coward. Stubborn and opinionated? Yes, but when you get down to the brass tax I will weigh in and fight to the death in defense of what I hold to be true. Count on it.

All of this time has gone by and the things I formerly did as a kindness and duty no longer hold the same amount of meaning. You buy a birthday card, sit down and think of just the right words to say that might touch the person receiving it. You try to find out exactly what they might like, love or laugh at and you get it, cost is no concern. Except now, a lot of those steps are taken out of the equation because you know that the receiver doesn’t actually care and just seeing a package or envelope with your name on it will instantly make their eyes roll in derision.

It’s really the ultimate kindness to stop pushing your name or likeness in front of them I suppose. To stop forcing them to think of you when they don’t really want to. Or, is it? Sometimes I think that I could just forget about acknowledging certain milestones because my milestones of late have all gone unacknowledged. But, then I remember I am an Aquarius! We love a solid grudge but we also fight for justice and to fail to extend a thoughtful gesture, even to those who have wronged us, is blasphemy!

Back to this dream. What was it all about? Was it a sign that I should reach out or was it a sign that I’ve done enough and have earned the right to move on down the road, free of bitter entanglements and resentment? I think I might be there, standing at a fork in the road, one sign pointing back to the darkness I came from and the other directing me to go forward without looking back.

https://blog.rescuetime.com/burnout-syndrome-recovery/

I’m just fucking tired and caring takes time, energy and effort. I don’t have it in me anymore. The well filled with this sad saga is finally dry. So, which way would you go? Back to attend to the wounded or forward to protect your hard earned sanity and serenity? Personally, I prefer the light that clarity and release provides because the heavy darkness of strife and drama is unbearable anymore.

And now, to commemorate this epiphany I have unblocked the door to my social observation deck, as it were. Run free upon my fertile fields of pithy prose! I will try to rake up as many offensive thorns as possible but cannot make any guarantees. Tread carefully though, it has always been my experience that offense is only taken if the insult, joke, meme, fault and so on applies to the one taking it personally.

© 2019 L.A. Askew

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to “In the Land of Reverie” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

If all you want to be is right then I guess I will choose to be happy instead.

I have been thinking about this topic for a long time. Right, wrong, in between and I don’t care are all positions people either fight over or simply walk on by without a single thought. I’d like to be in the latter category. To do anything else seems counterproductive and illogical.

There is a whole world of wonder outside of our own heads….

I will let you have your outrage, your vitriol, your angst and also…your misery. Many in that list are well earned so I would never want to take that away from the possessor; I prefer to err on the side of mental and physical well being now. You do what you think will get you by in life and I will do what allows me to climb mountains, sail seas and soar above the negativity. If I live by example, fully immersed in the current moment rather than frustrating ruminations then I won’t have time to worry about how others perceive me. That will no longer be my concern.

How Being Right Stops You From Being Happier

Okay, you enjoy that title! I’m just going to be over here enjoying life. Cheers!

Oh, please don’t think that I am stepping away from being passionate about causes and movements that matter a great deal, that won’t change. What I am setting aside is the reactionary response to little digs, picks, prods and manipulative lead-ins. Also, please don’t dish out the line, “Well, if you don’t speak out and stand up then you are just another sheep waiting to be led to slaughter!” Save your time and breath. When it matters I will speak up, no doubt there and when it’s an effort in futility and only feeding the ego of narcissism then I will have better things to do. Got it?

5 Ways to Handle People Who Always Think They’re Right

I don’t always have to be yelling to be heard and I don’t always have to react in rage to express my disagreement with arrogant and ignorant statements. Sometimes it’s not so much what you say as what you do that matters. I will be happy, despite ridicule over my point of view. I will enjoy my life and revelle in the wonder of new discoveries and new travel adventures and also the excitement over meeting new interesting people. All of those things involve both personal action and intent. There is no praying or hoping here. It’s all ME powered.

So, do you want to be Right or do you want to be Happy? Or, neither? Take a moment and choose wisely.

© 2019 L.A. Askew

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to “In the Land of Reverie” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Surviving in the land of learned helplessness

Have you have ever heard someone incredulously wonder, out loud or under their breath, “how have you survived on your own as long as you have?” Be honest. You have either thought it, said it or possibly had someone utter words similar about you even.

It’s easy to believe that this is a generational thing, only the young these days are helpless but, I have run into just as many individuals my age or older that can’t chew gum and walk at the same time.

Oh, they try to say their lack of progress in life is the fault of this person or that circumstance but I know it’s really because they like the attention they get, good or bad and/or they just don’t want to try harder. Some blame their parents, their boss, their teachers but once you hit a certain age that blame turns stale when nothing has been done to change the equation.

Why try when enablers abound and “help” can be extracted from even the most unwilling helpers simply because it’s easier to just fix other people’s screw-ups than to teach them how to be more detail oriented and self-sufficient. Even the best teachers can’t reach the willful woe-is-me crowd.

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-learned-helplessness-2795326

We live in times where adult children still live at home with their parents (nothing wrong with this IF they help out and pay rent). Or, they live on their own but still can’t function in the adult world without constant supervision and intervention. How has this happened? Is it because we want to just give up and blame depression, anxiety, lack of opportunity or personal resources?

The world is just against me!

No, it isn’t. It is YOU working against yourself, not the world. Also, please! You aren’t THAT special!

https://positivepsychologyprogram.com/learned-helplessness-seligman-theory-depression-cure/

Life is frustrating for sure. I experienced the disappointment, embarrassment, and fear when I was younger and literally didn’t have a pot to piss in. Hear this…you aren’ t the only one that has had this happen to them. You aren’t the first nor the last and in each case, the sun still set and came up again the next day.

Reset. Restart. Resolve to do better than you did the day before because if what you have been doing thus far isn’t helping do something different.

http://www.oprah.com/spirit/how-to-overcome-your-feelings-of-hopelessness/all

You are not a robot. You are not programmed to only function a certain way. And, no one can do this for you. Enablers aren’t helpers, they are hurting and expecting people to clean up all of your messes is inconsiderate, lazy and self-limiting.

So, here’s the point: Choosing to be helpless when you are fully capable of doing all the same things every other responsible, overworked, stressed, depressed, anxious person in the world has completed for eons is on you. Own it and choose to do better.

The world owes you nothing but dammit, YOU owe yourself the opportunity to see how good it feels to be reliant on no one but yourself for success and happiness.

Go get yours!

© 2019 L.A. Askew

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to “In the Land of Reverie” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.