When the “helping” hand actually hurts…

I’m just trying to help...

I don’t mean to criticize but…

This is for your own good…

Here, I found a meme that sounds like what you are going through…

Ahhh, the helpers that don’t really help! It’s one thing to deposit mountains of written support online or via text and quite another to be the person known for physically showing up when human connection is needed most.

Newsflash: a meme can’t hug you when you need a hug.

This is the risk we all face living in a rapidly disconnected world. Oh, sure we are technologically “connected” but we are far from emotionally connected anymore. And, this disconnect has happened so fast many haven’t even had a chance to allow this truth to register deep into their blunted gray matter.

The more time we spend online, away from meaningful human interaction, the greater the chance we will experience gut-wrenching loneliness. Loneliness spurs on hopelessness and hopelessness hands over the keys of your life to potential debilitating depression.

https://thriveglobal.com/stories/the-digital-age-are-we-losing-human-connection/

Why do we risk our precious mental well-being by partaking in this onesided drunk dance with social media? Is there really anything truly “social” about it if all interaction is conducted remotely rather than face to face? How will anyone learn how to read facial cues or body language if we are only interacting with a written transcript and not a breathing, flesh and blood human being?

https://gulfnews.com/going-out/society/how-mobile-phones-are-killing-human-interaction-skills-1.2205044

The thought of never seeing that distinct look of surprise, happy excitement or even pain in the eyes of my fellow human again, because the preferred mode of connection is via text now is truly heartbreaking. How has this happened? Are we really this fucking lazy?

That day is coming quicker than we know…

Or, is it because we are scared? Has the fear of rejection, disappointment, and pain turned us into a sniveling lot of bemoaners rather than get-the-hell-out-there doers? I think so but that’s just my opinion and not verified by any case studies.

So, does it help to strategically place happy sayings and inane memes on the social media accounts of those who have stated they are struggling or does it further fuel the loneliness? Time certainly will tell and so will statistical studies of the increase in mental illness diagnoses and suicide attempts.

I guess what I am trying to say is this: why wait until the inevitable happens? Why wait until someone crying out for help hits rock bottom? Why offer a meme or empty words quickly typed out on your phone while waiting in the Taco Bell drive-thru?

Damn, we have become a selfish and oblivious bunch of assholes, haven’t we?

© 2019 L.A. Askew

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to “In the Land of Reverie” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Would you care for a truckload of veiled hostility with your cup of manipulation?

Why is it so hard for some people to differentiate between unresolved personal resentment and social outrage? Why do some view manipulation, insults, and threats as viable persuasion tactics?

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/toxic-relationships/201704/are-you-being-manipulated

Are they simply superimposing their inner anger and insecurity over the top of current events as a veil to shield themselves from introspection and personal responsibility? Or, are they really just truly shitty people who want everyone else to feel as shitty as they do?

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201901/why-narcissist-will-never-back-down

Are they nasty human beings that actually hate others because of their geographical location, skin color, religious/non-religious beliefs, political/non-political views, socio-economic standing, sexual orientation or gender identity? Or, are they damaged mentally and emotionally by years of personal abuse that they refuse to seek help for or publically address for fear of unfair judgement?

Take that in for a moment…

There is the possibility that they judge others harshly because they fear to be judged themselves?

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/i-hear-you/201710/10-reasons-why-people-refuse-talk-therapists

What?

There is a fix for that you know?  It’s called therapy. It’s called personal insight. It’s called being sick and tired of being sick and tired. It’s called doing the opposite because everything you have done up to this point in time has not worked George!

Haven’t you had enough?

I write this piece because I once lived in a “swamp” of unresolved resentment, anger, and fear over how others might perceive me. I was raised to care more about how others viewed me than how I viewed myself because to be sensitive, thoughtful and kind was weak. I was taught that everyone was out to get me and that it was every “man” for themselves in this dog eat dog world. I knew that was crap and a lame attempt at shifting responsibility but it still corrupted my world view for many years.

Newsflash: NO ONE IS OUT TO GET YOU!  The only enemy you have is the enemy within. But, if holding onto rage fuels your soul then good luck with that. I for one would like to live without the worry of dropping dead from a rage induced heart attack or a stroke. I’d like to live to see my future grandkids.

Why is this so hard to understand?

When you think you are right but you are hurting everyone around you=WRONG!

I have many, many questions about the current state of affairs; why people cling to misinformation, fear, myths, lies, and prejudices.  Is it a dirty badge of honor? Is it some sort of reward for having gone through hardship?

Everyone goes through some hardship at one point or another in their lives. Some dwell on it, reveling in the tales of fights with family members and how they were the victor in an imagined battle of wills. What trophy did you get? Fewer family members or friends and a prospect of future personal isolation? That isn’t a trophy I want and will gladly concede defeat in the great War of Manipulation and Imagined Hurt.

Does this mean that those who pull back and refuse to engage further are weak? Does it mean they are losers?

Sure, I lobbed a few bombs back at first, in defense, but retreating now holds no shame when it protects peace of mind, physical wellbeing, and self-respect. I respect myself for having the courage to voice how I feel and will not apologize to anyone. Speaking truth to tyranny is never offensive because truth is power and those who take exception to my speaking out should be disappointed in themselves for refusing to be honest. It’s not like others don’t already know bits and pieces of your personal drama so you might as well own it. You aren’t fooling anyone.

And, it totally is stupid shit, isn’t it?

The world contains enough negativity. Choose to engage with the positive side of your soul and learn to forgive yourself, others, the world…whichever you deem most deserving. It’s time.

Being grateful in ungrateful times…

I try so hard to see the positive attributes in people. I try even when people are the worst.

This past Christmas I dutifully sent out cards and gifts to people that I thought needed to be shown a sign that they are still loved despite the nasty blow-ups of 2018. Some may assume I send gifts to these people who rarely give me the time of day, unless they need something, as a way to curry favor or manipulate.

Nope.

I do it because I’m not an asshole.

The gratitude I feel because of the fortunate breaks I have received in my life is what fuels me to reach out even when I’m being slapped away. It makes me want to continue trying even though I know I am being vilified and discussed in a negative and inaccurate manner.

The only commandment we truly need

It’s okay. My soul will stay intact should the world blow up tomorrow. And yet, I will still hope they see the light before the big BOOM! It is how I was made, although I’m not certain how that particular personality quirk came about given the fucked up DNA that produced me.

The Universe is a curious place, with a wickedly cruel sense of humor it seems but I don’t spend a lot of time pondering why I am the way I am and my family is the way they are. They just are. I can hazard a guess as to why they react and strike out and rant and rave the way they do but it would fall on deaf ears because those who seek to tear down others invest no time in self-reflection.

Speaking of self-reflection and insight and personal evaluation, all of which I work on daily, I’d like to reiterate that not once have I ever crowned myself Queen Perfect. Nor have I ever reduced anyone to the level of an utter fuck-up. Even my ex-husband and ex-in-laws get good wishes from me because if they fail in life it not only impacts them, it impacts my daughter because her DNA is forever tied to them as well.

https://tonic.vice.com/en_us/article/qvwjm5/when-its-time-to-cut-off-a-family-member

I try to express gratitude every chance I get and have found that the best time to do it is right after the feelings of being slighted creep in. Honesty urges me to state that it is very hurtful when my daughter gets ignored by all of her maternal relatives except one.

Honesty pushes me to admit that I feel the sting of disappointment when, after taking the time to send a card, money or whatever I get a short text thanking me for the card but then don’t hear from the recipient again until the next gift-giving cycle. There are those who think I should stop sending cards and stop sending money since no meaningful contact has been made in nearly a year. Not for any graduations, birthdays or Christmas.

Should I show these unresponsive takers the same lack of consideration they show me? I don’t know if I can do that. Not the way I was made…remember? But, I do know that something has to give soon because the day may come when I realize that the best way to show gratitude is to start being good to myself and let go of those who find it perfectly okay to hurt, ignore and use others.

I’m not there yet. I still want to continue trying but in the meantime, I will cultivate and feel gratitude for the growing relationship I do have with one, singular sibling. I have not always been fair to her over the years and have not kept in touch like I should. I am working on changing that because I am grateful for her and my brother-in-law. Aside from my daughter and amazing partner and dear friends, they are all the actual family I have left.

© 2019 L.A. Askew

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to “In the Land of Reverie” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Rehumanize yourself…

The world has gone mad.

Angry mad. Crazy mad. Foaming at the mouth mad.

And, no one seems to care. Except me and other horrified reasonable people!

I care very much and want to right all the wrongs. I want to fix everything that got smashed in the fight, to tape back together the relationships that have been torn apart by rhetoric, nastiness, spite and blatant lies.

But, once something is repaired it is never the same. Sometimes it’s better than before because lessons were learned and other times suspicion lingers, poking out around the glued edges, rough to the touch and seething on the inside.

To illustrate this point I will offer up my own familial example of the inability to grow after a blow-up. Here we are zooming up on 9 months, holidays coming and going but still no offer to mend the tear created when guns and voting for the Orange Anus tore asunder what my bible misinterpreting parents created. For those that hate reading between the beautifully crafted lines: I’m talking about my younger sister drama.

Click Here To Be Brought Up To Speed

I could suck it up and reach out BUT, would it do any good? I’m thinking if we follow the words above about how repaired things are never the same; sometimes stronger, sometimes weaker, then I think my situation will be weaker since this drama likes to lie. We were raised to think lying was essential to creating a positive impression of self so there ya go. Learned from the worst!

http://rolereboot.org/family/details/2015-08-when-parents-still-abuse-their-adult-children/

I’m okay with starting again, with the understanding that EVERYTHING gets put on the table. No hiding anything, all resentment exposed because OBVIOUSLY there is a mountain of resentment. Even as nasty as things went down, horrific crashes can be worked on, patched up and put back on the road to recovery. I’m open even if she isn’t.

Now, back to my original thought; how nasty the world appears. Let’s be clear, it’s always had a nasty underbelly. There have always been horrible, vile, disgusting, evil, self-serving people ready to take and then destroy anyone or thing that stands in their way. That is a fact and not just a hunch. It’s just that now being openly horrible, vile, disgusting and evil is apparently chic and all the rage amongst the racist, misogynist, homophobic, white nationalist, Nazi, fascist and sociopathic/psychopathic crowd. White hoods are in this dark season! As is cruelty.

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/06/06/opinion/trump-winning-america-.html

We see you. We hear you. We will not let the world forget what you are trying to do.

We, the true loving heart of this county WILL stop you.

Did you really think you would win?

Now, let’s talk about cruelty…

I was born into a family that held up emotional and physical cruelty as a sure fire way to control those who needed to be held down and shown their place. That place was never higher than the task master’s place and hovered just a smidge below that of the family dog. To say that the dog received more consideration from my father than we, his own children, is no exaggeration. Oh, some may say I am embellishing but, the sharp sting of a balled up fist connecting with the tender spot right between my shoulder blades says otherwise. I don’t recall the dog ever being hit.

Dates, time and exact GPS coordinates of acts of abuse can be confused after many years but the feelings attached are not. To those who scream about PROOF and documented reporting of such criminality my response is, fuck you.  I was 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16 and so demoralized that the embarrassment of even acknowledging what my family became was debilitating.

Bravo to you if you weren’t abused or abusive…but, and if we are being honest here, those who shout down the victimized usually do so because they have skeletons of their own to hide. Look in the mirror before you start snarling m’kay?

So? How do we heal?

Slowly and carefully.

My plan is to move forward one step at a time, living my best life, and when opportunities to heal old wounds with my sister are presented I will address them in the moment. There will be no continued rehashing of old business because that is simply crazy making and I have done enough of that. The way I envision it, reconciliation will start with laying all the trash out on the table, sorting through it and then bagging it up and throwing it out for good. And, get this, healing an old wound can also be accomplished simply by saying “hello” to someone that you once told, “go fuck yourself.”

It can be accomplished without all the whatabouts and butyousaids simply because I say that is how I will do it. Be clear, I have no control over how other parties will approach it though and that is okay. Any start is a good start.

Set aside the anger and learn.

This is all I have so, it is what I will do.

What will you do?

© 2018 L.A. Askew
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to “In the Land of Reverie” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

When begging to be more connected to your fellow humans makes you feel even further apart…

How did we get to THIS point in time?

How in the hell did we let this happen?

Oh, and we definitely let this happen. Whether through anger, apathy or psychotic spite, WE let this happen and only we can pull our battered hearts and minds back from the gaping black maw of total emotional, intellectual and moral annihilation.

Welcome to the Ununited States of Division. In this new world, we insult those who refuse to adhere to outdated mores and we dig in deep, shaking our heads in steadfast opposition to any belief that is counter to those taught to us by good old Mom and Dad. Never giving a thought to the times Mom and Dad espoused racist and misogynistic ideologies by applying labels like “those people can’t be trusted” to minorities they had a beef with and “women need to know their place” when discussing equal pay for equal work.

sexist-ad-honeywell-51-swscan02242-copy

Or, when announcing your plan to go to college. “What? Do you think you are better than us or something?” Get married to a nice man who will take care of you they said. Okay, umm, but what if that isn’t what I want? “What YOU want? That’s a fairytale. People like us (women) don’t have the luxury of independence.” 

Damn Mom! Great fucking advice. Sorry, but you’ll need to step aside because my free will and intense determination are about to do a burnout on your puritanically Stepford-esque mindset. Does not compute…..never will compute.

Personal refrain aside, I hear the rousing cry from the male caucasian throng and from distant school acquaintances and formerly close family members alike; “Why can’t it be like it used to be?” You know, when everyone didn’t know everyone else’s political or religious views. Like, you know, in the good old days! Yeah, let’s go back to that!

When? The 20th century or before? Anytime from 1900 to before the internet being gifted to the populace and before they really got to see just how badly average people were being taken advantage of and abused? That time? Yes?  Oh, I see…before people became aware of how shit really goes down! Got it.

1_e47ccB48huAJse6jy6TQGA

I rant about my wish for humanity to get it together. To think about how purposeful insensitivity maligns and erodes the hearts and minds of the altruistic until there is nothing left but take, take, take it all before THOSE people try to get it first! Win at all costs even if it means trampling those with sincere intent and compassion to spare for any and all.

A pleading hand is extended to bridge the massive gap that divides us only to be slapped down in derision. “LOSERS! Only the smartest, richest and most devious will prevail! Suckers won’t know what hit them again in 2020!” 

It’s all pathetic and sad and also, predictable. So predictable that even though it hurts my heart to see and hear the evil the supposed righteous perpetrate I am comforted by the notion that my soul’s hot rod, fueled by renewed determination and copious amounts of free will is still ready to hit the road!

We are only isolated if we allow it and I DO NOT allow it! I get that some fear a power shift and they fear this because of how shitty they treated those viewed as “beneath”  them and worry that the desire for retribution will be too strong to resist. I get that completely and, trust me, dishing out some sweet, sweet retribution does sound mighty delicious but, I’m better than that. We are better than that.

Learn it and then live it so the chains of fear may release you. It’s a big world out there! Stop being a fucking disappointment!!!

© 2018 L.A. Askew
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to “In the Land of Reverie” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Loyalty and freedom; two words that don’t mean what many people think they mean.

Words. I know a lot of words. I use a lot of words.

They may not all be the BEST words or the SMARTEST words or the RICHEST words but the ones I know get the job done.

*Click each hyperlinked BEST WORD below for it’s equally SMART and RICH definition*

And, just to clarify I am indeed poking fun at the Grand Orange Wizard of DC and his obsessive need to TELL anyone that will listen or read a disjointed toilet tweet just how SMART and RICH he is and how all of his rage influenced decisions are the BEST.

I don’t have to pretend to be anything. I let people take in my words and then make up their own mind without requiring a loyalty oath or a DNA test. The only test I require of the people in my life is the DON’T BE A DICK TO OTHERS test. You treat others like second class citizens, no matter what walk of life or country they are from and we won’t be friends, ever.

If the measure of your GREATNESS is determined by how many people you can tear down in order to artificially build yourself up then you are not the best at all. You are hollow. And, rotten…just like this tree below.

DSCN5437-Spectacularly-rotten-hollow-willow

Recently I told a dear friend that I finally felt FREE. I told them that I finally had an actual HOME and what that meant to me. We chatted back and forth about the difference between freedom or being unburdened or some other word that describes being untethered from the burdens of the past and it was nice. In this comfortable exchange of words, ones  I was able to choose without hesitation, I could both feel and see my path to reconnecting with my soul and finding true liberation.

THAT was the WORD I was looking for!!! LIBERATION!

I have liberated myself from the past and the people who built mile high roadblocks all around me. I crawled up and out. No longer contained. No longer quietly taking it. I am and furthermore will now be most LOYAL to myself.  And, no matter what crazy-making gaslighting words those opposed to personal liberation use…to myself I will remain most steadfastly true.

When we lose our own ability to think freely and choose freely then peace will remain out of reach for those that need it most. Our peace, the peace that should belong to the collective GOOD of the world will remain stamped down under the foot of those who oppress in order to profit financially and to stroke their huge ego.

YOU DO NOT OWN ME

YOU WILL NEVER SILENCE ME

WHEN BODIES CEASE TO EXIST…WORDS LIVE ON

Read up on why powerful women are seen as so threatening…

No one will take my ability to be me away nor will they force contradictory views upon me to wear like a razor wire collar. Hypocrisy will not be made invisible, hidden behind a costume crafted to depict biblical morality. No, it will not. I will be the wind that continues blowing, gusting to create massive billows that rip their charade into undeniable tatters. The squeaky wheel gets the grease and the loudest thunderclap produces the most spectacular lightning.

be-yourself

I AM HOME

I AM FREE

I AM LOYAL TO ME

My power is my ability to speak the truth and not be swayed by the purposeful nonsense of those who do not want me to be liberated, outspoken or educated. That may be their wish but wishes don’t always come true sweeties and this woman has many arrows at the ready to shoot down liberation killing bombs. It’s the AMERICAN WAY after all! Right? Or is that only reserved for white Christian males? It’s a great time to have a penis and a bible!

I see what is going on. I always have. It’s just that now the overtness of the self-labeled “right” has never felt so wrong and I am at an age where I no longer give a shit whether some old white fucker values my contributions to this world or not.  So now, I will continue to contribute at an even faster pace just to doubly piss the privileged  “right” folk off.

You may have written the rules and started the war but I am exceptionally adept at being versatile and can change direction at the drop of a Southern Gentleman’s Hat.

Take cover boys!

BOOM!

© 2018 L.A. Askew
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to “In the Land of Reverie” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Moving on

I moved.

Both physically and mentally.

It was time.

The house I lived in for 18 years, a house filled with good ghosts and bad ghosts, the specters of a past I have both hated and loved. So what now? The answer to that is this; I finally get to go to a place I am wanted, loved and respected. And, it feels nice.

Some people are miserable after they move…I was not!

I’m not saying that no one has loved me in my past. My grandparents loved me, aunts, uncles, cousins and I’m sure, somewhere deep in the cortex of their brains, my parents and siblings loved me at one time. They had an odd way of showing it but I am sure a small sliver of like, if not love, was there briefly. And if not, I am not going to lose any sleep over it.

Bye, bye, bye…

The stories my former house can tell are a mixture of hilarity, aggravation, joy, anger and finally, resignation. Some I recall with relish and others I wish would slip quietly from my mind, never to be replayed again.

a32dac6705fc0299ff7891f23a59bfb2--abandoned-homes-abandoned-buildings

I feel the same way about most of my childhood homes as well and we moved around a lot! But, none of those homes had my name on the deed nor did I pay the mortgage. This house was paid for not only with my hard-earned wages but also a pound of flesh here and there combined with nearly every ounce of my self-respect.

And now, its sold. A done deal. A new start for someone else and I am glad.

My only hope is that the bad juju does not stay attached to either the house or myself.

Release, restore and relax!!!! It’s over woman. You are finally free!

© 2018 L.A. Askew
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to “In the Land of Reverie” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.