Author Elle Reverie

The Things That Become Clearer As We Grow Older

Elle Reverie Leave a comment

*Originally written February 5, 2025

I’m finally getting around to cleaning out my draft folder and upon reading this one I decided a disclaimer needed to be added about when this was originally written to avoid any potential anger or paranoia. I still have the occasional disgruntled lurker so I want to be crystal clear on this matter.

I have a lot of drafts just hanging out waiting to be finished and as I continue to struggle with finding the proper motivation to continue writing, unfinished they have remained for months. Why? The people I want to care and understand don’t and those who do are active participants in my life in the here and now. They create joy in my life, not pain so, maybe I should start writing about them instead to change things up. I know that would certainly be easier and more enjoyable.

Now, on to the topic at hand…

Maybe it’s the passing of time, gathered experience, self reflection or just a new found ability to fine tune my always present instincts but, I’ve finally figured some things out.

Here’s a list, in no particular order of importance. Just my thoughts, written down. Take your time. Let each one roll around the grey matter, poking and prodding until something tickles a brain cell or two.

  1. It doesn’t matter if everyone likes you
  2. DNA does not guarantee respect or love
  3. You do not have to be polite to nasty people
  4. Turning the other cheek is bad advice
  5. Selfishness can be cured, narcissism cannot
  6. Talking about hard topics is healthy and wise
  7. Stuffing down uncomfortable feelings is not recommended
  8. Pretending to be happy when you are not is foolish
  9. Cutting down others thinking it will help ease self loathing is ridiculous
  10. Refusing to ask for help is not stoic, it’s stupid

When I was younger I exhibited many selfish tendencies, as those in the throws of youth do, and had little patience but I always knew being this way was neither good nor wise. I innately understood what was good, what was bad and the difference between right and wrong very clearly, without prompting or hesitation. The lessons I learned by watching others made me realize why they were disliked and why I never wanted to end up like them. To be older and still bitter without an ounce of compassion, caring or empathy is not a goal. It’s something I vowed to fight against and so, I have and will continue to do so.

Oh, some may call me bitter or angry but they purposely conflate passion and strong boundaries with something negative because they do not understand or appreciate inner work and do not have the courage to create change within themselves. Or, they never believed they did anything wrong and everything was someone else’s fault so they deflect and project like pros. Never them always you, the twisted song of my upbringing brought to the ever present forefront. You are bad! YOU are evil! YOU ARE THE PROBLEM! Yeah, maybe I am the problem to you but to me, I am a solution, a cause, a guiding light, a cautionary tale and a fabulous thorn in the ass of the arrogant and ignorant.

You are welcome!

All it takes is a quick glance at many a social media post to know where the real problem lies and for me, it’s usually draped in a flag and wearing a cross. Throw in a bizarre take on civics, psychology, biology, genetics, vaccines and top it with the oftentimes shouted misconception that a liberal arts degree is referencing a despised political party rather than a “broad, multidisciplinary approach to education” and you suddenly have a ready made nemesis. The educated are the enemy and the faithful followers are the prodigal children. I follow my instincts but you do you I guess.

How dare you be curious! It’s a sin to question the propaganda shoved in your face at every turn. Follow blindly and never, EVER engage in critical thinking because that is evil and you will be mistrusted and deserving of every harm that befalls you. “We, the righteous warriors, the true red, white and blue, God fearing patriots tried to tell you!” Bark! Bark! Bark! They are so loud and always so, so emotional with all their FEELINGS on display. Get a grip.

It’s okay to admit you are scared and to acknowledge how you previously moved through life was limiting, off-putting and personally damaging. It’s okay to say you don’t know everything and have doubts. It’s okay to seek help, advice and further education about the world we all live in together and about who we are inside. You don’t need an expensive therapist for that (but starting out with a reasonably priced one gets the ball rolling), and a simple willingness to look inward and ask hard questions about behavior, good or bad, keeps positive momentum going. If you float through life always thinking you’re right while relationships flounder around you then maybe the common negative denominator is the person in the mirror.

Ask the question: “Is it me?”

I ask that of myself as well because it’s what healthy human beings do and is not remotely weak. Those telling you self reflection or improvement is “liberal” or for “snowflakes” are sad individuals who are afraid of actually living. Making adjustments is all part of evolving and if we aren’t actively improving and growing then we are passively dying. I don’t know about you but that sounds miserable. Speaking out about experiences that were harmful or interactions with people who created dangerous situations shows a willingness to grow from that experience and also a strong backbone to withstand criticism moving forward.

It’s hard knowing someone close to you may be actively rooting for your failure or even demise because breaking generational trauma patterns might expose who is the weak link in the chain of humanity. What a limiting and lonely existence because when all is said and done and the years continue marching on with no stopping to reflect or grow, they will be all alone. But you won’t, because you did the work and you stopped listening to negative dark cloud people who are so afraid of their own shadows that they never venture out in the world.

I don’t need a book or a flag to show me how to be a good person, it has always been inside of me and no amount of fear mongering will sway that engrained knowledge. It is truth, not myth, not parable, not interpretation or wishful prayer. My work is geared toward the betterment of myself and the enrichment of those I cherish and who love me unconditionally. This is the era of ME and MINE remember? I strengthen myself so I can be in a better position to lift up, encourage and inspire my loved ones.

So now, living by example is the best thing to do in a world that is currently fueled by hatred, deception and chaos. I have a journey to take and memories to make so I refuse to expend energy on those with less than moral intentions, those who would find actual joy in my failures. My world was not created for them to consume at will and I decide who is allowed inside because just as we are not guaranteed a tomorrow they are also not guaranteed free access to me.

Keep learning, keep growing and all the negative chatter will simply fade into the background of history. As it should.

© 2025-2026 L.A. Cobb

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to “In the Land of Reverie” and L.A. Cobb (formerly L.A. Askew) with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What are we doing here?

Elle Reverie Leave a comment

I don’t even know what to write.

Over the course of the past year I have watched so many people turn into caricatures of cartoon villains, people I once respected repeatedly disappointed me with their hot takes on “what’s wrong with the world” and people I called friend have turned into warped piles of festering hatred. It was always there inside, hiding but it still stings when the realization that my uneasy gut feeling about them was very correct and I should have backed away a long time ago.

This is exactly why I haven’t felt like writing much anymore. Why? My words just float on the breeze, ignored and undervalued. They are labeled “exaggeration” or “dramatic” yet when they come to fruition, it’s all conveniently forgotten. You never said that! I most certainly did but, oh well, I tried to warn everyone. My job is done.

It is getting harder and harder to find

Who we are now is most definitely who we have always been. But to those who say, “people change” I say, no they don’t, they just grow into who they were always meant to be. Call it growth or evolution or whatever you like but, inherently people will people no matter the amount of calls to be more humane or empathetic or kind. If someone has to be told to be kind then logic might conclude that the kindness gene mutated or was corrupted somewhere down the line of succession and it isn’t coming back for that particular family tree. The branch is dead, withered and ready to fall to the earth in crumbled bits of its former incarnation.

At one time I wanted to believe that deep down, all people were good, every last one of them, even the awful ones. The unrelenting hope that someday they would see the light or find the true love that resided deep inside their cold little hearts has been replaced with resolute acceptance of the exact opposite. They are not evolving, improving or coming back from the persistent infection of inhumanity and I now get this. I wanted so much more for this country, this society and this world but it was not meant to be.

There will be no wringing of hands in anxiety or fear on my part concerning this absolute finding of fact that the division in our tiny part of the world is now permanent. It was meant to be, as all genetic changes dictate through mutation and natural selection. Some of us will move forward and some will not, that is by nature’s grand design. And, I am A-OK with all of that since I firmly believe that humans are only here due to nature’s whim and once we become too destructive to live, well, it’s lights out time.

We are the world

So, how do I feel knowing my type of personality; the kind, loving, empathetic and giving type is going to be demonized and slated for legislative extinction if the current pattern of “governance” remains? Calm. Steadfast. Unwavering. Joyful. I will always be me because it’s engrained in my DNA to do so, which royally pisses off the followers of the Cult of Personality. Let it, I have zero regrets or plans to change. I can’t change into that which I wasn’t designed to be remember?

Peace and love until the end,

Reverie

© 2025-2026 L.A. Cobb

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to “In the Land of Reverie” and L.A. Cobb (formerly L.A. Askew) with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

It’s Been Real…

Elle Reverie Leave a comment

Disappointing.

Life, as we know it, in the here and now, can be so damn annoying, tedious, infuriating and exhausting. We establish boundaries, set clear intentions and then the world’s biggest narcissists and gaslighters blow right past those carefully erected safeguards without any consideration of the harm they cause. They simply do not care and act as if anyone who dares get upset with being treated poorly is merely over-reacting or are too sensitive. The scent of gas follows them everywhere, as does the stink of purposeful manipulation.

And, why should they care? In the entitled history of many a soul-sucker’s existence throughout time, the word NO doesn’t register. Nor has it been used with great frequency to correct, castigate or call out their bad behavior. Horrible people will exploit others…you know how this story goes.

But, does it really have to GO this way? Nope. It does not…we just continue turning the cheek and ignoring the red flags because Little Johnny is just doing what his parents taught him to do, piss all over anyone different from him in a flagrant attempt at establishing dominance. Winners win! Losers get tricked, cheated, lied to or, worst yet, guilted into conceding because Little Johnny is going to get uglier until he gets his way. It’s just easier if you step aside and let him win you know?

Spoiled to their rotten core.

But, you can’t say that to Johnny’s face or his pampering parents will carry on, in like manner, threatening legal action, shouting about how they are being discriminated against or oppressed. We know they aren’t and they know they aren’t but projection and deflection are powerful tools for liars and cheats.

Now, before we go too far, yes, I am white and yes, I am talking about the atrocious behavior of other white people. No metaphors here. I can only speak to that which I personally know and I know how terrible white people can act when they see a win on the horizon but there are minority obstacles in the way. It may sound harsh to word it that way but how else can I describe what I see? The willful trampling of others to get to the top of the heap while crowing about the need for those less entitled to pull themselves up. “I did it! Why can’t they?” Yeah, why can’t they Johnny? Is it because you are still standing on their necks?

HOW DARE YOU DRAW ATTENTION TO OUR EVIL SKELETONS!!!

I do dare because it is important. I am fucking tired of tone deaf, willfully ignorant people who say insensitive things as an afterthought because if they didn’t experience it then they don’t believe the lived experiences of others not like them. To live in such a pristine bubble! But, is it really? No, it’s messy and full of contradictions that scream hypocrisy while those of the same ilk look the other way. Not me! I’m superior!

Jesus Christ, what a bunch of losers.

Hell, even Jesus, if he actually existed, wouldn’t like the loud and obnoxious crew that marches around claiming to be his righteous disciples. Okay, now that cat is way out of the bag so I suppose I should address the fact that I don’t prescribe to any religious book club so before anyone comments that they will pray for me just save it. I don’t believe what you believe and therefore your rules of deluded engagement don’t apply to me. That IS how it works you know? Your beliefs are yours and my beliefs are mine and that’s perfectly fine. Relax. You have your ticket to heaven all set right? So why do you care what I do?

*I wrote the above collection of words prior to the 2024 presidential election and am just now looking through my drafts folder. So apropos!

Now, back to little Johnny. Apparently, half of America is full of entitled, asshole Johnny’s who don’t give a shit about anyone else but themselves, their fragile egos and, apparently a few cents off on gas. Offer them a coupon for 50 cents off a hamburger and they would vote for satan himself over protecting women’s rights, LGBTQIA+ rights, or any other rights marginalized groups deserve. Get that? They value money above all else and even the dirt poor ones think they will be rewarded monetarily by Donald “The Shart of the Deal” Trump. Nah, he hates the poor, even the ones that fawn all over him and send in their last Social Security dime in exchange for a cheap-ass, ugly red hat made in China.

“It’s the red hat that replaced the white hood”

Awww, now that’s not fair! Not all of his cult followers are racists!! Hmmm, to align one’s self with darkness is to condone the darkness and by DARKNESS I mean hateful racism, xenophobia, homophobia, sexism, ableism, fascism, anti-semitism, authoritarianism, all the bad isms. He is that and more all rolled up in a bloated orange bag of flatulent gas. Own him and his “concepts of a plan”, he’s your albatross now.

I know, I know, the hackles are raising on the back of the necks of the MAGA faithful. Salty tears are welling up in those blinded eyes, darkened to reason, kindness, empathy, dare I say, love even? How can these good “Christians” who claim to love Jesus so much resort to covering up lies and looking the other way each time their manly Genghis Don sins openly while dancing like he’s jerking two dicks to an iconic gay anthem like YMCA? Does he realize? Do his followers get it? Probably not, he’s their Orange Jesus and can do no wrong.

Catastrophic meteor! Kill us all now!!!!

I really don’t know where I was originally going with this when I first started writing it months ago. Maybe I was planning to discuss how I wished people were kinder, more thoughtful, less brainwashed, less gaslighty. “I know you are but what am I?” It’s SO tiring and I think I’m done wishing for the impossible. Chalk it up to long COVID brain, lead poisoning for the older folk, mental illness, fetal alcohol syndrome, I don’t know. What I DO know is that I am done debating, pleading, educating and hoping they will change. They are gone and I, and every other wise person I know are moving on.

It is time to move through life as if these lost souls are nothing more than sad ghosts, because they are absolutely not living in this reality anymore. They are on the brain eating worm, decapitate a whale, dump a dead baby bear in Central Park and laugh about it train with RFK Jr. It looks pretty crazy when it’s written out like that doesn’t it??? And believe me, if I hadn’t seen the interviews and podcasts Robert F. Wackado did confessing the depravity above I would say it was nuts too.

These are MAGA’s best and brightest. And, ya’ll gave that shit the stamp of approval when you voted for him. Can’t pick and choose, Trump and his band of miscreants are a package deal and you can’t have one without the whole insane bunch of rotten bananas. You will be known both by the company you keep and by the behavior you silently condone. You may have not committed the acts but each time an excuse is offered or an offense is brushed off it becomes a mark on your character, your integrity, your honor and, ultimately, your soul.

It has been disappointing and frightening to watch so many people become lost to the virus that is MAGA but now that I understand there is no rehabilitation, I can breathe. I am not afraid and am at peace with everything and anything that is about to happen. We get what we get and we don’t complain but I also know that the main lesson I have learned from all of this is that MAGAism has broken the spell of wanting to help everyone in need for many people in America. I will help MAM only moving forward. Me. And. Mine. It’s the consequence that naturally occurs when people continually show you exactly who they, that they will never change, and that they don’t care about you.

Congratulations MAGA! My most fervent wish is that you all get everything you voted for. It was what you wanted after all and I accept that. I’m happy for you. There will be no “I told you so” admonishments because everything that went down happened because you felt it was the right thing to do. No regrets! No looking back. No asking if we can still be around one another, if we can put differences aside. That can’t happen anymore because it would fly in the face of everything you proclaimed you stood for. MAGA good, Democrats evil. Don’t jeopardize your souls, I would never ask you to!

So, bask in your victory because you earned it and kudos on all the winning.

© 2025-2026 L.A. Cobb

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to “In the Land of Reverie” and L.A. Cobb (formerly L.A. Askew) with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

No, we will not agree to disagree and we definitely cannot be friends.

Elle Reverie Leave a comment

After what happened November 5, 2024, it’s time to reevaluate who we allow into our lives because all people are neither safe nor are they trustworthy. It is time to enact self preservation mode full time.

Voting is a personal thing. A thing some take very seriously and extra consideration is given when making choices that can negatively impact others. And, it’s also a thing that is used as a weapon against those we do not like or agree with due to twisted religious beliefs or ingrained bigotry or both. This is where the “agree to disagree” adage gets applied the most.

“I may not agree with the way you choose to live your life but we can still be (enter word ofchoice).” Friends. Civil. Family. Nice. No. No. No. And, no.

Those simplistic, naive days are over and I will not compromise my integrity, my sanity or my life on a hollow statement made by a person who nonchalantly colored in an oval that marked an end to the democracy we were tricking into thinking we once were. It was all a lie, smoke and mirrors, a con just like the many cons the Orange Asshole has perpetrated for years on staff, contractors, the American people. We fell for it and now we ALL will pay the price whether we think so or not.

There are no exemptions under authoritarian rule and just because you were a good little non-elite white man or woman (especially a woman) who voted “correctly” that doesn’t mean you weren’t always meant to be run over when your usefulness ended. “I don’t care about you! I just want your vote.” Jesus! Can’t you just hear that sneering voice accompanied by that pitted, self tanner globbed, grotesquely twisted face? It’s enough to make even a stomach made of steel turn!

Obey or suffer. Comply or be detained. Useful idiots, the whole lot of you. And because he doesn’t care then, in the spirit of matching energy, I no longer care either. I won’t care when your Social Security gets cut retired and/or disabled Boomers and Gen Xers. I won’t care when those of you with school age children suddenly have to scramble because the Department of Education gets dismantled and your kid’s school gets closed or your disabled child’s accommodations are stripped. You decided their future, my child’s future and your neighbor’s child’s future when you cast that vote so fair’s fair right?

The MAGA pukes who are abusive towards women will ramp that behavior up 10 notches now that their misogynistic King Baby is back in the White House. These are men with no emotional intelligence and no ability to regulate their emotions. It’s rant this, rant that, yell random shit, proclaim Trump 2024 and then pout about how women won’t sleep with them. Tip #1: Don’t sleep with them. Don’t talk to them, don’t do things for them, stop centering them. They don’t care about you and they aren’t stable. Count on needing to protect yourself and respond accordingly while the 2nd amendment is still available to women, for now. (Just a safety tip there)

Now, white Boomer, Gen X, Millennial, Gen Z and a tiny segment of remaining Silent Generation women; it’ll be cool when the party formally known as the Republican Party, now MAGA Party, repeals the 19th Amendment right? You are too emotional to vote. Plus, the men in your life should be the ones to act as head of household seeing how you are just property after all. That’s okay with you isn’t it? No? But, I thought your vote for Trump, MAGA, the Heritage Foundation, Project 2025 cemented that! You thought they would stick up for you? Protect you? Care about you? *See the paragraph above.

Laughable.

MAGA men, and even a lot of liberal men, DO NOT LIKE WOMEN. Oh, they may have sex with you and marry you but they don’t care if you are protected, treated equitably, respected or even if you live judging by their voting stats. When will you get it through your Stockholm syndrome riddled brain that you are resented and disliked just like all other women? You aren’t special white women and you aren’t exempt from their punishment.

That’s just the tip of the iceberg ladies! Let’s make it so you can’t get a divorce even if your husband beats the shit out of you and the kids daily. Cast that vote! Let’s make it impossible for you to access birth control so you can choose when or if you start a family. Cast that vote! Oh, now you are pregnant but you have complications and because of the soon to be implemented federal abortion ban (news flash: miscarriages are spontaneous abortions) you are left to bleed out in the ER waiting room or parking lot when they kick you out. Cast that vote!!

Step right up, pull the lever, circle the oval, seal your fate! But, wait! They won’t do that to ME!! Privileged white women are safe! No. No, you are not and by continually towing the patriarchy party line you whittle away at the imaginary barrier between you and the punishment that is passed out for other women. You know, the ones you just voted against?

The ones who would have helped you out not even 4 years ago. Black women, brown women, Indigenous, Asian, Hispanic and so on. The ones who always take the insults, the derision, the beatings while you stand by in silence, day by day, month by month, year by year, decade by decade, century after century until they, the perpetual punching bags finally fall to the ground in exhaustion.

ENOUGH!!

NO MORE!

I am not like you and we cannot be friends.

Good luck.

You are on your own now.

© 2025-2026 L.A. Cobb

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to “In the Land of Reverie” and L.A. Cobb (formerly L.A. Askew) with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Where Have I Gone?

Elle Reverie Leave a comment

It’s been a long while since I wrote any love letters to myself or done any honest soul searching. Why not? I have no idea. Writing just hasn’t been on the top of my To Do list for almost a year and I’ve been slowly fading into life’s background, not even realize what was happening. This must be what it’s like to quietly drift away, to become just a memory to those you once spent so much time with, laughed with, cried with. I’ve just been GONE, the person I once was has disappeared momentarily. Maybe that isn’t such a bad thing because, just maybe, I need to change.

Honestly, I don’t even know how I really feel about it because it has been so hard to actually feel and I’m not even sure that I’ve been missed or have really missed anything truly important. All I know is that life is going on around me and I’m not participating anymore, I’m just going through the motions. Call it depression, growing old, losing interest in the life I once led but either way, it’s a hard pill to swallow when the reality sets in at 3:30 in the morning that you just aren’t the old you anymore and asking for help doesn’t really seem worth it.

Well, that was sad and morose wasn’t it?

I woke up early this morning to a memory of a wonderfully fun time I spent with a dear friend, someone who was always my go-to for fun. This person is still in my life but now we are lucky if we see one another maybe twice a year and it has been this way for the last 10 years. I have let my life get away from me for that long and the realization woke me up from a deep sleep. The more I thought about my awesome friend the darker I felt inside, deep down in a well of regret and disappointment over allowing myself to get to this point in the first place. This led me to thinking about other parts of my life where I am falling short or, at the minimum, need to make changes.

Now, in all fairness I have always been a procrastinating day dreamer but I also made a point of staying in constant touch with the people who brought meaningful connection and excitement into my life. While I’ve never been a particularly extraverted person I’m also not the sort to voluntarily choose solitude if presented with a better option, or so I thought. Why am I doing it now? So many questions. Maybe I should go back to therapy? My daughter thinks I should and frankly, she’s more in touch with reality right now than her old mother is so I really should listen. I should and have no valid reason not to.

Getting older, slower and less agile of mind and body is an eye opener, one that slaps me in the face each morning when I realize once again that I have put off everything I planned to do the day, week, month or year before. I said I would call, I did not. I intended to take care of the paperwork that’s been sitting on my desk for almost a year, I did not. I meant to go see the people I once dropped everything for but again, I did not. Over and over, the alarm goes off, the day starts and still nothing changes. My real life embodiment of the movie Groundhog Day over and over and over and over. One would think I’d be exhausted but maybe I’m just so used to being exhausted that I no longer recognize what it is anymore.

Now, before anyone gets alarmed and starts thinking I’m going to off myself let’s not get too excited! The fact that I am writing this all out in shockingly to the point candor is a good thing. I promise it is. Writing all of this out now helps because it acts as a public reminder that I’m announcing a need to change and by doing so I am attempting to veer off my usual path of apathetic melancholy. Call it a much needed shock to the system or a literary defibrillation tool used to forcefully wake me up. I want to be fully alert, aware and honest about what’s going on, not blissfully numb with my head stuck in the sand like so many others around me.

I will get back to jotting down thoughts, penning funny little tales and, most importantly, reconnecting with the people that matter most to me. Writing is the thing that saved me when I was a kid, it grounded me as a young adult and it freed me as I fought my way through family disfunction, abuse, the failure of my first marriage and it can free me from apathy now. It’s the one constant that has never let me down when so many others have. I’m crawling back, no worries! Older yet still as opinionated and forceful as ever because I didn’t come this far just to let the negative ghosts of the past win.

The past can’t triumph because I won’t let it and if there is anything that sums me up it’s the word STUBBORN. I was born to cause the dishonest to stub their toes on the truth just by virtue of being in my presence. That’s a grand pronouncement right? Time to start living up to it.

© 2024-2025 L.A. Cobb

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to “In the Land of Reverie” and L.A. Cobb (formerly L.A. Askew) with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Is it Just Me or Are People Finally Saying Enough is Enough?

Elle Reverie Leave a comment

The past 7 years have been rough. That is the simplest way I can describe it. People come and they go from our lives and it used to sting a little but now, I’m at peace with the losses. Some of those people were never going to change so I changed instead. I either outgrew them or decided having their toxic nastiness in my life was a bridge too far. Of course, I used to always say how I didn’t care about anything or that nothing bothered me, like every good Gen Xer does but that was just posturing dipped in a sarcasm coating. Self-preservation if you will. Can’t hurt me because I will push you away before anything bad happens. Now, I just walk away midsentence. Free, clear and satisfied. There will be no more tolerating the intolerable. Enough is enough.

God, what happened to us way back when to get us to the place we are now? I know the answer to that question, I’ve documented all the instances that apply to the WHAT in the initial question in many past posts but still, did it have to be like this? No it didn’t but, honestly, I’m glad it’s happening. Now, at the my advancing age, I’m trying desperately to fix the damage caused to me, my inner child, my current mental state and the relationships with those most important to me. My life, my reach and my positive contribution to this world are all still very much in play and it’s time to start shouting. No more staying to ourselves. No more blending into the background after whispering inflammatory statements designed to rile what’s left of the bent and brittle Silent Gen and angry Boomer antagonists.


We were and still are very adept at stirring the pot but now it matters more. Our very existence depends on it, despite what MeeMaw and PeePaw pontificate and speculate based on a daily diet of Fox News and Facebook rage scrolling. “Those younger generations don’t respect their elders!” No they don’t because they know how shitty you treated their parents and they see how shitty you still treat anyone not like you. All of those years of abiding by the “be seen but not heard” edict helped a huge swath of multiple generations beyond Gen X develop amazing observation skills. Millennials, Gen Z and Gen Alpha are quite the detectives and they are breaking down the façade built to corral all objectors into a corner. Once the building has been dismantled there will be no more corners, just wide open space, everything out in the open for all to see.


And it’s the accountability aspect that frightens the controlling class the most. Shining a spotlight on the sins of the father, the sins of the party and the sins of the corporation is tantamount to treason in their eyes. HOW DARE YOU QUESTION OUR WISDOM! There is nothing wise about using deception to control and every con and every trick gets found out eventually. It took my generation longer to rise back up from the dark hole we were pushed into over and over because we were told we were slackers, lazy and weak. Many of us were used as punching bags, literally and the phrase, “I’ll give you something to cry about,” still rings in our ears when looking back on the childhood abuse we endured. “You’re sad? Too bad!” There was no therapy for us until we could pay for it ourselves. There was no reprieve from self-doubt and shame until we were far enough away from the source to recover.


So now, I see my role as a supporting one for the generations that have come after me. I don’t feel like I “lost my chance” or that it’s too late to create change because as long as I can still speak then I can encourage, support and uplift younger fighters all the way to the finish line. That is my place in this world, to do what my parents and grandparents couldn’t or wouldn’t do. I am not obsolete or out of touch, I am coming back to life. The regeneration of spirit, ground into bits by lead poisoned elders who took their anger with themselves out on us. Their shame is not my shame and I will not regurgitate that same old bile onto younger generations. It’s over. We are done taking their shit and understand the sheer value of power in numbers.


Combined, Gen X, Millennials and Gen Z total almost 207 million in the United States with Gen Alpha slated to eclipse every generation at almost 2 billion, worldwide, by 2025. Where will the Silent and Boomer generations be in the next decade? It’s not smug to state the most obvious location of many in that age group, RIP, so I will just say that those remaining will be greatly outwitted and seriously outnumbered. But will they still be in power? Not if we all, collectively, have anything to say about it! Voting isn’t enough because gerrymandering cheaters hate losing so it is NOW time to stop being polite and stop ignoring the vile bullshit coming out of the mouths of those who gleefully wipe their hypocritical feet on the fruits of OUR labor. We do all the work and Boomers and what’s left of the Silent Generation (with the tiniest smidge of Greatest Generation remnants) benefit without having to expend any energy or effort.


Stop handing them the power! They have squandered their integrity in exchange for high paying positions in which they haven’t engaged in an “honest” days’ work in decades. The policy of earning their dues was always a charade, especially if their daddy owned the company or grandfather left a nice nest egg for them in his will. What exactly was “earned” and what was simply gifted to them by virtue of being born? Was Gen X bequeathed the same generous riches? Some, maybe but it wasn’t even close. Money over morals and power over the good of the people is the true motto of this soulless class. And, that may sound judgmental of me, clinging to stereotypical labels of Silent Gen/Loudest Complainers and Boomer Boss/Money Hungry Monsters but, if the boots fit then pull those straps on up you laughable liars!


That felt good! Therapy is expensive but yelling into the void can be oddly cathartic too. And, there is a huge void between the ears of those who refuse to hear, either because their own inner shame is too painful to acknowledge or, they just don’t care. I’m starting to believe it’s the not giving a shit part that is the most true of many in the older generations, not all of course but still, way too many.


Gen X is always billed as the apathetic, dead inside cohort but, for me, that was always claimed in defense and never actually true. I cared too much and got burned every time I let my guard down with older generations so now, in hindsight, I absolutely see who it was and still is with the inability to empathize and feel remorse. Was it the pervasive daily lead exposure or because their mommy liked a martini or four to take the edge off when she was pregnant with them? We may never know which and even though my generation was exposed in a similar fashion it feels as if we got all of the doom and gloom and none of the over exaggerated egomaniacal tendencies. God, I would have loved having the confidence of a mediocre Boomer back then, just without the entitled asshole behavior though.


Now, having written all of this out, in my public journal for all to see, do I care if I ruffle sensitive feathers? No. The days of worrying what others think or being concerned how I am perceived by Silent Gen and Boomer elders is done. We are the new wiser generation now. We are Elder X, a kinder, gentler version for a new world order. This is the world we built when we chose to raise our children different than we were raised. The construction started after each instance of us listening to what our kids needed rather than silencing them. It continued being built after we summoned the courage to finally seek help for our rapidly declining mental health and our inability to utilize healthy coping mechanisms. We stopped yelling, we stopped belittling, we stopped being like our parents. That slippery slope has been hard to climb and many of us haven’t made it back to the top yet but we are trying.


We are asking for forgiveness from our children and now, grandchildren because it is warranted. But also, because it’s how we will learn to grow together and it is how we will grow stronger. It has to be done or we all fail and I don’t know about you, younger generations, but I’m sure as hell never letting a fucking Boomer outsmart me! Are you in? We are more powerful together than they could ever hope to be.

© 2022-2023 L.A. Cobb

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to “In the Land of Reverie” and L.A. Cobb (formerly L.A. Askew) with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Is This The Post You Were Looking For?

Elle Reverie Leave a comment

Do you ever feel like you are being watched? Not necessarily in a creepy stalker in the bushes near your bedroom window way but in a from-afar cyber peeping way? Like, you haven’t seen or heard from these individuals in several years and suddenly they pop up in your “guess who’s looking at your profile” notifications. After a while the reaction goes from one of mild concern to a nonchalant shrug and acceptance that shit is probably coming your way again.

What’s new? I’ve always been a target for criticism and I will continue to do as I’ve always done…disregard, dismantle and dance joyfully away. I’d have to care to be hurt and I can’t seem to muster the energy to give a damn anymore. It’s no longer worth the time and effort on my part so I just feel nothing about it anymore. Numb. Ambivalence. Acceptance.

Anyway say, for example, you respond to an email, text or DM discussing past difficult topics and then suddenly, views on every social media account you have start increasing? It’s hard to keep from thinking it’s not calculated, intentional or more like a fact-finding mission than anonymous curiosity. Especially when those doing the viewing are people you are well acquainted with and people who have made it very clear they don’t like you. Apparently these peepers are more invested in knowing my every literary move than I thought so here ya go! It may be anticipation of a long awaited airing of grievances post but I won’t do that. This is just me doing what I normally do, checking emotional baggage and gaining personal insight on my journey to secure solid boundaries and optimal mental health. Nothing is ever coincidental in the land of family dysfunction and I should have known that even seemingly innocent interactions could be grounds for suspicion and interrogation. It’s okay. I’ve grown accustomed to it.

Normally I would be pleased that my online presence is experiencing more traffic than usual but seeing how I haven’t written anything in a while the drop-ins were a bit unexpected. I simply haven’t felt like writing because my life has been rather mundane while also being simultaneously happy so, in other words, I was busy living and had no time for ruminating. I’m sorry to disappoint but, because I am the consummate good host I will go ahead a jot down a few thoughts for the curious souls so they won’t feel too dejected. In the past I would walk a razor sharp line between sarcasm and savagery but for today, my safer bet would be to stay in a more neutral territory because I am tired and have no desire to keep playing family feud. With only a few family members left who deserve my love and respect, I will err on the side of caution because they earned it.

My message for the watchers would be this: Be brave, come out of the shadows and talk to me. I’ve been talking to you via this website for years and feel as if my voice is now hoarse from yelling my frustration in the form of honest words, heartfelt hopes and a genuine desire to change. I put it all in writing, it’s there, it’s real and it’s true. And while it would be so easy for me to suck it up and approach first I don’t think anything would be learned from that. Being the “bigger person” doesn’t always end the battle and it usually just creates a larger target on your back. When you’ve already bent over backwards a thousand times before, with zero results, it becomes clear who the pushover is and it ain’t me anymore. I smile when I say that and it feels good. Boundaries are amazing and I am thankful I learned about them in therapy. Blessed are those who know when they’ve had enough shit and those who aren’t engaging in circular insanity anymore. The merry-go-round has stopped and I got off a long time ago.

Stay for the lessons by all means, if that works for you, and if the true intent isn’t to ascertain whether I’m receptive to contact then it’s really time to move on. The bridge can be rebuilt but I can’t be the one to lay the foundation. Always being the one expected to acquiesce, to smooth things over or to turn the other cheek has left me exhausted and even more determined to never do that again. The job of being the middleman or scapegoat, whichever applies, is done and I’ve clocked out so I can devote valuable time to my life and my immediate family. I don’t feel guilty about that and have been outside the circle of dysfunction long enough to know I have no control over the feelings, false impressions or even the anger of others. I have dealt with my demons and feel I am a healthy individual with the ability to admit my faults and work to change any negative traits that may remain in my subconscious mind.

I am open to having healthy conversations with those who participated in the detonation of an already precarious relationship, that I can guarantee. What I am not open to is the continuation of grievances, pettiness and backstabbing behavior that results in nothing good. It’s simply not worth it and if I refuse to allow strangers to treat me that way then why on earth would I allow family to? Being eternally nice while getting slapped in the face over and over doesn’t sound very appealing does it? I admit that I was once perfectly fine being the one to slap back but now I’d prefer to not even have my face in slapping range to begin with! Taking myself out of the equation has been liberating, thought provoking and a huge learning experience for me, one that I desperately needed.

So now, I say the door IS open but with conditions and while this may not be what you were expecting it’s all I’m offering. That’s my right as a healing person and I wish nothing but healing for you as well. Change is possible and growth is as well. I am grateful every day that I decided to break free from dysfunction, denial and anger. The liberation is exhilarating and I hope you try it some day.

© 2022-2023 L.A. Askew-Cobb

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to “In the Land of Reverie” and L.A. Askew-Cobb with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

River Flowing to the Past…

Elle Reverie Leave a comment

This past weekend I went back in time. It wasn’t any type of planned nostalgia tour or anything like that, it was simply a trip with friends who had no idea the connection I had to the place we were going. That place was the small town I grew up in. And, I didn’t share that bit of information until we were already there because, as I have established, I loathe sharing parts of myself due to past trauma and internalized shame. When you share you potentially give away personal security and I’m over allowing people to hurt me.

Even now, as I sit and write this I can hear the sound of gentle rain falling outside and the steady trickle of water running out of the downspout near the open window takes me back to a time so long ago, a time that contains both happy and painful elements. Everyone’s life is written this way. It’s never all bad and no good or no bad and all good. It’s a mixture with no true balance, just moments of shocking clarity to help us pause and reset.

As a child those brief happy moments could be sparked by such simple things as the sound of rain falling on the leaves of the tree outside my bedroom window. That memory still remains and it still brings a smile to my face so I focus on it instead of the moment soon after of being hit or screamed at for one supposed infraction or another set into law by my father. I focus on the gentle sound of the rain and not the memory of my brother continually violating my privacy and dignity with his abuse. Listen to the rain. It will wash all of that away, even if only for a fleeting moment. Hang on tight to that moment, it will prove to be very important later in life.

Now, each time we drive through this little town, on the way to see my daughter, I send out a silent wish for peace. A silent plea to release me from it’s grip and to release my remaining family members from their own trauma. This is great progress considering years prior I would scowl and extend a middle finger as I drove through, cursing its existence and wishing all who resided there no good will, only continued torment. It wasn’t the right way to handle pain but it was the band aid I needed to cover my wounds at the time.

We had planned a float trip on a river I knew well and one that held trauma tight against is banks and bluffs and even though I had come back to this same river several times over the years this trip just felt off. Not in an impending doom sort of way but in a nagging little worry at the back of the mind way. This time I talked to the river. I asked it to spare me. I talked to those who never made it out of that small town and told them I hoped they found peace. That was a mistake. To pin my safety to the memory of those who lived anger filled lives and those who abused and emotionally scarred others proved to be near fatal.

I don’t know why I chose to extend grace to abusers on that day. I don’t know why I listened to the voices of well-meaning yet still ignorant subscribers of the “forgive and forget” poison force fed to so many who have been traumatized in the past. There is no true forgiveness for the wicked and to forget is to set into motion certain traps that easily pull you right back into the mire. Distance creates inner calm and healthy caution builds the security system we all need to guard against future attacks. It’s so naïve to think dark water flows under and away from that bridge. It doesn’t go on by, it waits under the bridge for a signal and I called out to it.

As we gathered our gear and loaded up our kayaks I stood and looked around at a place both so familiar and yet also so foreign. I recognized none of the faces of any of the other people packing gear into their boats. I usually didn’t but this time I felt exceptionally unwelcome and uncertain in my surroundings. I had been gone from this area longer than I actually lived there so, of course, faces would be different and the scenery would change over time. Nothing stays the same. It’s just that this time something was not quite right before we even began.

The water was chilly but still felt good and the weather was pleasant. The water was not as high as we would have liked but it was manageable and despite multiple drag moments to contend with we were on our way. My uneasiness dulled my senses and I missed several moments where it was necessary to try and “read” the river. That book slammed shut on me and the submerged rock hazards and low hanging branches and tree root obstacles took over.

I have been kayaking for several years and while I am no expert I could claim that I had never capsized or got caught up in river hazards but, that day, every hazard possible got together and plotted my potential demise with great enjoyment.

The first dumping opportunity came in a swift rapid as I high centered on a group of rocks. One caught my kayak, another turned me around and yet another tossed me out into the water where I struggled to get up as my capsized kayak floated on by. Each attempt to stand in the swift knee deep water was met with a fall on the slippery rocks below and a bruised knee so I crawled to the gravel bar and got out. Luckily, my partner caught up to the adrift boat and helped me gather my things and drain the water but the tone for the day was set.

Each new set of rapids was met with panic and dread. I’d never been like this before. What was going on? All of this happened right before floating by the spot in the river where my younger brother drown, many years ago, when he was 17. In the past I would float on by and not look around, purposely emptying my mind of bad memories. This time I looked up at the large rock he jumped from and I thought about how far he floated downstream before his body was found. I thought about the awful things he did to other family members before he died and wondered if he was sorry now. I let those thoughts in and after doing so I begged them to spare me. Those memories had other ideas I guess. They gouged into the side of my kayak just like the dangerous root balls and rocks hiding around each bend in the river wanted to do.

The second and last capsizing came about 2 miles from our takeout point and just after an attempt to calm myself with thoughts like, “The water isn’t too deep here, I won’t drown.” I have no idea what made me say that. It wasn’t a certainty that the river would be kind to me. It wasn’t a given that the river even cared. As it would turn out it cared very little and so, when the gurgling, swirling water thrust me into a small tree jutting out of the water my paddle and weak arms were no match. Hung up in the branches, grasping onto wispy limbs for dear life, I had the presence of mind to yell, “No fucking way!” It was simply too much and as I let go and slipped into the chilly river, for a brief moment, I considered that it was my fate to die here.

Now, I won’t say that I am particularly afraid of dying, I made peace with the idea that any place is better than this Earth long ago but, to have my untimely demise caused by the same river that took the life of my tormented younger brother would have been infuriating to me. This was not the way I wanted to go out. Heart attack while climbing a mountain? Sure, why not? Being blown to bits in a natural gas leak? I could see that. But, not this!

On my way over the side of my kayak I could feel the bungee cord that the paddle was attached to wrapped around my arm, pinning me to the side of the boat. I was fully submerged and fighting to get my arm free. Somehow I wiggled loose and tried to kick my way to the surface but the current was holding me in place. You ain’t going nowhere! Kick. Kick. Turn over. Kick. Flap arms upward. Upward. Upward. Kick. Fling yourself over on your back and desperately gasp for air only to get a mouthful of river water.

Finally, after one last kick and an awkward flailing motion I was able to break free and slowly inched my way to floating on my back until my feet could touch the rocks below me and I crawled to the bank. Surprisingly enough, I was still wearing my sunglasses and my hat was plastered against my back with its strap pulled tight against my neck. I looked back to where my kayak was to see it still upright and tightly wedged up against that damn tree. Well, at least I didn’t lose anything. I didn’t LOSE anything? I almost lost my life!

In the midst of struggling to the bank I caught a glimpse of my partner hurrying back to where I was and out of sheer exhaustion and anger I screamed FUCK as loud as I could. It wasn’t aimed at him. It wasn’t aimed at me. It was directed at the river, my brother, my estranged family and my inability to get that damned legacy out of my head. It clouded my judgment and it distracted me to the point of near detriment.

Back up on the gravel bar I felt arms tight around me and I just sobbed in relief, anger, exhaustion and pain. It was all there, every last nasty feeling that had been holding me hostage for the past few decades. Get out! Get out! Get out! You didn’t get me this time and I’ll make damn sure you don’t get me ever! I heard the words, “I’ve got you.” in my ear and I recognized this to be true. The river didn’t “get” me, my past didn’t “get” me but my partner did have me safely in his arms and I was going to be okay. Fuck you river. Fuck you dysfunctional family!

Once back at our cabin I stood in the shower feeling the water spray on my shoulders from the way too low shower head in the way too small shower stall. I slumped down until I could get my head underneath and just left it there making sure that damn river water got washed out of my hair and off my body. Wash it clean. Down the drain. Down. The. Drain. Good riddance.

On the way home we stopped by my older sister’s place and relayed the events of our float trip gone awry. I recalled saying something to the effect, “I’m sure there are a few family members that wish the river had taken me too,” and was met with doubt that this was true. I’m not so sure I’m wrong about this. I’m willing to admit that I have been wrong about a lot but, to have me no longer creating “waves” by telling my truths would very much make certain branches on my family tree shake with delight. The ultimate silencing. For one person in particular, this is what she felt God should do to me, strike me down and silence me for good.

I’m not checking out yet!

It sounds awful to say out loud but it’s always there at the back of my mind. Who, in my family would actually care if I was gone? Dead. Kaput. Finito! Oh, I know I’d get a smattering of tears here and there along with the “if only” laments but these are merely muscle memory actions, the stuff people are “supposed” to do. I don’t even know why I’m thinking about such things because I may be triggering some twisted self-fulfilling prophecy bullshit carnival ride to hell for myself. Oh, well. So be it.

So, back to the river. Will I return any time soon? I don’t know but I do know that new sit on top kayaks are in order. When death flows up on you and you are able to ride the wave out you best prepare for the next time you tangle. Ever vigilant. Ever prepared!

Yes, I’m going back because I am not a quitter. I’m may be getting older and slower but I’m also, even less afraid of dying now. Try and take me! I dare you…

© 2022-2023 L.A. Askew

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to “In the Land of Reverie” and L.A. Askew with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

The Problem with Mom…

Elle Reverie Leave a comment

Ah, yes…the topic I have been avoiding. Not to say that I haven’t talked about my mother or that I haven’t written about her, I have. It’s just that I have never delved deep into the problematic influence she has had on my life or on the lives of my siblings and our collective families.

Oh, the anger and the blame and the guilt and the manipulation. An endless game of vicious name calling, (behind my back or in the form of a letter or email of course) snippy passive-aggressive comments and then the inevitable contrived song and dance that is gaslighting. “I never said that!” or, “That never happened!” or, complete and utterly frustrating disassociation. That lady lives in La La Land. She’s the mayor, governor and president.

As I have stated previously, I still find myself in a less than willing to share frame of mind of late. Maybe it’s because Covid continues to dominate all of our lives or maybe, it’s the tremendous distrust I developed while growing up with narcissistic and abusive parents. I’m hanging my hat on the latter because my unwillingness to tell people too much about myself has followed me around for well over 40 years. I can guarantee that if I were to play How Well Do You Know Me with anyone who has been allowed into my inner circle in the past 20 years every single one would fail. It’s not that I wouldn’t love to unburden myself but, it is the realization that a lot of people are either too uncomfortable with the information I’m holding inside or they literally don’t care because they have enough of their own baggage to lug around. I get it. That’s why I try to do it here, when I feel up to it that is.

Back to the problematic issue that is MOM. Recently I was informed that she needed surgery, had surgery, received a difficult diagnosis and now her future prognosis is up in the air. Seeing how I haven’t spoken to either of my parents since mid-2017 and did not reach out when my father died in 2020, the dilemma as to what to do now hangs like a rotten slab of beef in the hot summer sun. It smells. Bad. And, I run the risk of looking like the shitty daughter my mother probably tells everyone I am. Well, I assume she does but, then again, probably not since this was the same woman who lied in church about my older brother being away at “college” when he was actually in prison. Appearances are important after all! Anyway, who knows for sure but…it’s the kind human being in me that struggles with how to approach being kind to a toxic parent in need.

Damn it lady! Why can’t you just admit there were issues when we were all growing up and work towards mending those hurts now? Why? I know I won’t get an apology and, honestly, I don’t expect one. I just want a reason to care what happens to her because I look around at everything she CHOSE to miss. My daughter’s high school graduation and now, coming soon, her college graduation. She has missed seeing me in a healthy and happy relationship for the first time in my life and she is missing out on being included in all of our lives. Over what? Adherence to a misguided church and a cult-like religion that demands she place our abusive father over all of us, even in death? He’s gone. Cut the ties and learn to live for once in your life!

I can’t make her reject everything she has blindly followed for a huge chunk of her adult life nor can I force her to realize that her “children” are no longer young. During this time she has lost a grandson as well but it’s dear old abuser dad that she pines over. We won’t be around forever and neither will she, especially now so to “wait for another day” is foolish but, to think she will ever change, even when faced with her own mortality, and ours, is a pipe dream as well. If she wants to go be with the only person she truly cares about (even though the jury is still out on whether he reciprocated) then we cannot stand in her way and I will not feel upset over her choice, if this is what she wants.

We all have our own path to walk. Some choose an easy route and others weave in and out of the more insidious lane thinking its “sacrifices” will lead to some great reward. I like to think that even though my life has been filled with a lot of pain it has also been relatively easy to navigate, easy to figure out where I went wrong and easy to autocorrect. And, because of this I would never knowingly sacrifice my own child in favor of any man. Never. She knows this about me yet is still confused as to why this is something I refuse to compromise on. Innocent child over abusive spouse? Not a hard decision at all…for most rational people that is.

The saddest part in all of this is that I have a nagging suspicion that the Great Reward my mother thinks she wants will ultimately end up being hollow without the love and support of her children and their children. To purposely say and do things to alienate those you gave birth to because “God” told you to or the bible demands it will always leave a bad taste in my mouth but, given the proper amount of discussion, it’s also something I could move forward from. I could work to rebuild a new relationship with her, if she will ask and if not, that’s okay. It will have been her choice and I will respect that even though I’m sure it will feel dark, sad and disappointing because it will have been at the expense of her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. So much lost.

These are footsteps I do not want to follow in and would never wish on anyone.

© 2022-2023 L.A. Askew

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to “In the Land of Reverie” and L.A. Askew with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Have We Become That Which We Fear?

Elle Reverie Leave a comment

I used to be worried that the world was going crazy. Used to be is key here. Now, I clearly see that only a portion of the population is bat-shit looney and I’ve lost my ability to care about their rage. I’ve been angry for decades over inequality, prejudice and purposeful fear mongering to no avail so when I see the news coverage with protest sign carrying wing-nuts who think they are preserving their FREEDOMS I just laugh. Oh, YOU are the only ones allowed FREEDOMS! I get it Mr. and Mrs. Don’t Tread On Me. That cute personalized license plate you pay your state department of revenue for each renewal period is quite the rebellious symbol. Don’t tell me what to do while I willingly pay you for the privilege of slapping this tacky-ass sign of insecurity on my over priced, highly financed truck. Laughable and typical. Pardon me while I roll my eyes and yawn.

I also laugh extra hard when I am called mean for not giving even half a shit that others who share my skin tone get their hackles raised at being called selfish, racist, homophobic, sexist or, GASP, colonizer. If the label doesn’t apply then why take offense? But, if it does then you are what you fear so suck it up and take on those monikers just like you expect those you demonize to. You call them thugs, animals, criminals, drains on society and the economy but baby, your actions clearly showed projection loud and clear prior to and especially, on January 6, 2021. Those doors and windows didn’t break down themselves and that shit didn’t just materialize on the walls of the US Capitol building. We saw what you did. You weren’t tourists. Again, laughable, predictable and pathetic. You can’t hide any longer. Is that what you fear now? The inability to slink back into the shadows?

“Oh, these liberals are losing their minds over…”

Insert any inane assumption after that statement because I’ve seen so many and have certainly heard so many over the course of the past few years. The best part is that I’m not mad at all. I never was to begin with and I especially don’t care now. Your feelings mean zero, zilch, nada to me and the words you use to describe how I MUST feel are meaningless. I don’t care if you refuse to wear a mask or get vaccinated against Covid. You have won no great battle. I will leave it up to you to beg for prayers when either you or a family member gets sick. It’s not my place to educate you, oh, expert meme poster, armchair medical professional/epidemiologist. Your ability to RESEARCH for yourself and consult the great Q far exceeds my innate reasoning and liberal arts degree. And by liberal arts I mean my bachelor of science (BS) in Sociology. Who better to study multiple groups of dumbasses but me? Don’t even get me started on what “liberal arts” even means…no matter, the MAGA trolls only hear LIBERAL without understanding the actual meaning because they are such proud lumps of arrogant sludge. Learn? What’s that?

The Great Patriots show no concern about the feelings, thoughts or concerns of others and instead label everyone not like them as loosing their minds or owned or weak or socialists or fascists or communists. I could go on and on because words have no meaning anymore, everything has been turned around in a gaslight tumbler full of trash talking and ignorantly false bravado. Literal diarrhea dripping from the gapping maws of the easily duped pawns and these are the ones who expect us to FEAR them? The ones who are swimming round and round in their own self doubt, insecurity and violence fueled stupidity while those with sense enough to know better stand and shake our heads in disgust? Not likely. Darwin will get his due soon enough my dears because this disconnect is your demon, your disease, your virus, not ours. Enjoy your great reward suckers! Hopefully your name will be spelled correctly on your participation trophy.

Over the past 5 or 6 years, conversations between those I thought to be confidants and even family have been laced with venom, hidden agendas and secret animosity. People who were previously considered friends have become suspicious, angry and paranoid, seemingly overnight. Post after post after post on social media filled with political memes, laments about how the country is devoid of morals, respect and decency. But who, exactly are they talking about? In my mind, they appear to be the ones lacking in empathy, kindness and common sense. In my mind, they appear to be depraved and lacking in humanity.

And now, here we are, 2021 rolling into another year that is looking like it will be filled with much of the same feigned outrage and misinformation. Someone out there seems to know how to push our collective psychological buttons while simultaneously getting Mr. and Miss/Mrs./Ms. MAGA to believe they are the “aware” and awake souls ready to turn the clocks back to pre Emancipation Proclamation times, you know, the “our heritage” bullshit? Jesus, I’m tired of the lazy attempts at hiding the racism. Your boy Trump gave you the green light dummies, and Tucker “Dipshit” Carlson said it was okay to say it out loud now. Get it together!

We need to know who each and every one of you are. I need to know so I can dismiss and then ostracize you. I owe none of you anything, nor do the minorities you spit upon. It’s time to go it alone Patriots. You shall be an island unto yourselves with only your fabled bootstraps and can-do attitude to help lift you up because the backs of those you have denigrated, exploited and benefited off of through systemic racism will no longer be made available. It’s your time to shine…or sink. My money is on sinking but prove me wrong, I’ll wait.

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