Whose Grudge is it Anyway?

Have you ever gotten stuck in the middle of a drama trap and you had no idea how or why it started? You know I have! And, I am currently stuck in it for the entirety of the unforeseen future. It’s a soul-sucking loop of insanity that appears to have no end!

Now, in the middle of this battle, a fight that I didn’t start, comes the missive that I am STUBBORN. Yes, I know I can be but, in this case, I think I have a pretty good argument for why I should not concede. Does that make me the grudge holder or the grudge refuter? Not it!

Not my grudge, not my responsibility I say. But, does that mean that I won’t jump to help those who keep pulling me back into drama should they need it? I absolutely WILL help them and I have been trying desperately to make that clear. Got it? One has nothing to do with the other.

So, you may call me stubborn but am I stubborn because I refuse to let emotional bullies shit on me and my loved ones or is it because I refuse to roll over and accept responsibility for a conflict that I haven’t a clue about its true origins? Where does the desire to be THE BIGGER PERSON conflict with the need to protect ones immediate family from negative forces that have shown they cannot be trusted and most likely WILL do it again?

It conflicts right here I say.

And, even as I say that we can go back up two short paragraphs. Although I don’t trust the Grudge Family any further than I can throw them I would still save them from a burning building without hesitation. Because I’m not a dick and I do love my sisters and two of my misguided brothers. I can’t reserve a place in my heart for the brother that abused me or the parents that let him and then heaped their own shit-ton of abuse on me but…I do not wish any horrific tragedy on them. I just want them to stay in the past for good.

This is my line in the sand…don’t cross it!

God, what a confusing ball of contridictions family can be! Love them, hate them or hold them at arm’s length like you would a hissing cat. Do I apologize for another’s crimes in order to artificially piece back together the shame-filled family vase or stand my ground and maintain a steady footing in healthy reality? I love a good fictional tale but this one has an ending I can pretty much predict will not be enjoyable so I choose to not play and can only love from afar in hopes that reason finally breaks through.

https://melmagazine.com/en-us/story/the-psychology-of-the-grudge

Why would any reasonable person accept responsibility for a one-sided, passive-aggressive argument fueled by assumption and paranoia anyway? When an irrational, hot-tempered blowtorch of, “Oh, you probably think I’m a bad parent!” is the first shot fired over a sinking boat’s bow a reasonable and RATIONAL person would tell that person to back up and try again. Nope, we don’t put words in anyone’s mouth here nor do we assume we know how anyone else thinks. Crazy making at its finest! No one wins when crazy is in charge.

The above passage may contain some of the words that launched this battle but, they aren’t the cause. That infection started many years before as just an annoying itch. And that itch fed on decades-long feelings of resentment, even abandonment maybe? I have no idea. We never had any REAL talks remember? Just scratching the surface; “How are you?” “I’m good.” “Let’s bitch about Mom/Dad/Brother/Sister.” Never once did I ever hear, “I really resent that you didn’t make an effort to hang out with me more when I was younger.” “You just left me here with THEM.”

https://chopra.com/articles/how-to-release-the-past-and-return-to-love

Is THAT what this is really about? I can only guess. The odds of getting a reasonable and honest answer are pretty slim so I won’t hold my breath. I would like to know though, it’s part of my curious nature, and I would also like to be part of helping work through that mess of feelings. I honestly would.

The main reason my life record is currently stuck and skipping over and over on this topic is that, maybe, I am using writing as a way to sort through my own emotions about this unpleasant chapter as well. Call that stubborn or call it emotional protection. Either way, if you, the creator of a grudge are reading this then maybe no one needs to apologize at all. Maybe we all just need to promise to do no further harm.

You may think that the vitriol you served up was justified but think about it from where I stand for a moment. Do you protect your immediate family? Yes? Without hesitation? Well, so do I. Simple as that. Now, it’s time to protect myself and as I am doing that I am also learning, growing and prioritizing my energies.

The amazing irony here is that it’s really hard to hear that it’s all on me to fix a problem that I never knew I had until a flurry of text temper tantrums and social media diarrhea proved otherwise. Cat’s out of the bag now, can’t hide that mangey disgusting thing anymore so either admit you own it like me or walk away.

The choice is yours.

© 2019 L.A. Askew

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to “In the Land of Reverie” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Would you care for a truckload of veiled hostility with your cup of manipulation?

Why is it so hard for some people to differentiate between unresolved personal resentment and social outrage? Why do some view manipulation, insults, and threats as viable persuasion tactics?

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/toxic-relationships/201704/are-you-being-manipulated

Are they simply superimposing their inner anger and insecurity over the top of current events as a veil to shield themselves from introspection and personal responsibility? Or, are they really just truly shitty people who want everyone else to feel as shitty as they do?

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201901/why-narcissist-will-never-back-down

Are they nasty human beings that actually hate others because of their geographical location, skin color, religious/non-religious beliefs, political/non-political views, socio-economic standing, sexual orientation or gender identity? Or, are they damaged mentally and emotionally by years of personal abuse that they refuse to seek help for or publically address for fear of unfair judgement?

Take that in for a moment…

There is the possibility that they judge others harshly because they fear to be judged themselves?

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/i-hear-you/201710/10-reasons-why-people-refuse-talk-therapists

What?

There is a fix for that you know?  It’s called therapy. It’s called personal insight. It’s called being sick and tired of being sick and tired. It’s called doing the opposite because everything you have done up to this point in time has not worked George!

Haven’t you had enough?

I write this piece because I once lived in a “swamp” of unresolved resentment, anger, and fear over how others might perceive me. I was raised to care more about how others viewed me than how I viewed myself because to be sensitive, thoughtful and kind was weak. I was taught that everyone was out to get me and that it was every “man” for themselves in this dog eat dog world. I knew that was crap and a lame attempt at shifting responsibility but it still corrupted my world view for many years.

Newsflash: NO ONE IS OUT TO GET YOU!  The only enemy you have is the enemy within. But, if holding onto rage fuels your soul then good luck with that. I for one would like to live without the worry of dropping dead from a rage induced heart attack or a stroke. I’d like to live to see my future grandkids.

Why is this so hard to understand?

When you think you are right but you are hurting everyone around you=WRONG!

I have many, many questions about the current state of affairs; why people cling to misinformation, fear, myths, lies, and prejudices.  Is it a dirty badge of honor? Is it some sort of reward for having gone through hardship?

Everyone goes through some hardship at one point or another in their lives. Some dwell on it, reveling in the tales of fights with family members and how they were the victor in an imagined battle of wills. What trophy did you get? Fewer family members or friends and a prospect of future personal isolation? That isn’t a trophy I want and will gladly concede defeat in the great War of Manipulation and Imagined Hurt.

Does this mean that those who pull back and refuse to engage further are weak? Does it mean they are losers?

Sure, I lobbed a few bombs back at first, in defense, but retreating now holds no shame when it protects peace of mind, physical wellbeing, and self-respect. I respect myself for having the courage to voice how I feel and will not apologize to anyone. Speaking truth to tyranny is never offensive because truth is power and those who take exception to my speaking out should be disappointed in themselves for refusing to be honest. It’s not like others don’t already know bits and pieces of your personal drama so you might as well own it. You aren’t fooling anyone.

And, it totally is stupid shit, isn’t it?

The world contains enough negativity. Choose to engage with the positive side of your soul and learn to forgive yourself, others, the world…whichever you deem most deserving. It’s time.

I am offended that you are offended!

I’m going to try something new at In the Land of Reverie. From here on out I will be interspersing classic nuggets of wisdom from my old blog with current thoughts. It appears we have “secret readers” that find offense in ever thought, blog post, picture and punctuation choice I make.

Cheers and thank you! You have inspired me to amp up the writing exercises from once a month or once in a blue moon to EVERY DAMN DAY! I was looking for the motivation I needed to get back in the writing swing of things and TAG! You are it!

Muchas gracias! Vielen dank! Merci beaucoup! תודה רבה לך! Grazie mille! большое спасибо мудак! Du bist wirklich ein verdammter Verrückter!

Originally written: January 18, 2015

“I am offended!” : How to navigate through a world of hypersensitivity without stepping in a big pile of hurt feelings.

Okay, I’ll just say up front that in today’s society, one that seems to feed on constant worry about offending everyone and their brother, sister, mother, father, child, dog or cat…there is NO way to avoid a bomb that gets ignited by simply having an “opinion.” These days there is the impression that no one should, could or has a right to voice an opinion about anything controversial because it may hurt the feelings of someone somewhere.

You never know the “where” or the “who” until the words are out of your mouth or have been released from your fingertips via the computer keyboard but eventually it becomes clear that not everyone GETS your meaning or intent. They read halfway and then assume its offensive and fire a vicious missile of YOU HURT MY FEELINGS back which typically starts with personal insults being aimed at the offender by the offended. An offense for an offense is the new eye for an eye.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-dance-connection/201702/the-danger-confronting-the-family-member-who-hurt-you

In doing this we are signaling that most “touchy” subjects are off limits and even the simplest of topics could get another person branded as narrow-minded, elitist, a conservative tight-ass, a liberal wimp or even the dreaded….INSENSITIVE! Surely we haven’t grown so intolerant of sharing and debating ideas with those different than ourselves that rather than trying we just shut the doors with a terse, “That was offensive to me and I’m going home!” It’s very similar to scooping up your toys in a huff and flipping little Johnnie the bird as you stomp back to your race car toddler bed to cry. Get back in there and play ball dammit! How is anyone ever going to learn your point of view or you theirs if everyone just walks away all pissed off.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/toxic-relationships/201704/are-you-being-manipulated

How did we get here? Why is the air so filled with misunderstanding, miscommunication, and misinformation? “She said-They said-He said-Everyone says” fills the room during heated conversations but is there actual fact-based proof to support the “They” hypothesis or is it generally just based on personal belief and a sense of inner doubt mixed with self-righteous insecurity? My dilemma is one of not knowing if I should just pretend to give a shit when some Sensitive Sally gets their knickers in a twist over an opinion I was ASKED for or if I should just say that I’m sorry they got themselves all offended. I often laugh when I hear, “You offended me,” because in my mind I’m hearing, “I have poor listening skills and super thin skin so instead of admitting I didn’t get what you said I’ll just slap the new catchphrase of the year on it and blame you.”

https://medium.com/personal-growth/how-to-stop-playing-the-blame-game-on-and-on-20967f6dbb69

What is offensive really? It has different meanings for everyone involved so wouldn’t logic also tell you that assuming the speaker is purposely trying to offend without even considering the tone and context or asking for clarification first would be a fault on your part and not theirs? Generally speaking, I typically say that it is completely up to you as to whether or not you will be offended and it isn’t my responsibility to protect you from your choice.

I never say I am sorry for offending anyone because that was not my intent, never will be and not something I need to atone for because I state my opinion as asked and as I feel it. In most adult discussions with people that you know well there usually is a common connection and the presumption that all involved are well-intentioned because you all are adults, after all, so to take offense is completely up to the person that chooses to.

It’s a “free country” (I put that in quotes because it’s the cliché we hear most) so let’s branch out and apply that to the human condition as a whole. Some people are assholes and like to get others all up in arms and outraged on purpose…that is their intention and if you just fell for it then whose fault is that really? Is it theirs for being how they really are or yours for forgetting what you’ve always known them to be?

The media is a key example of this because they study how pushing people’s emotional buttons creates a reaction so again wouldn’t it also be logical to think that they may play on this by tweaking coverage of certain important social issues in order to get a big pot of offense and outrage boiling? Being offended is just as great for ratings as being offensive is right? When one side jumps ship they have to go somewhere and thus the game continues with little relief in sight. Don’t allow yourself to be played.

So, how do we work through our issues with being perceived as offensive in a defensive world? We keep on being ourselves and clearly and plainly say in our most pleasant voice (sing it if you can) “Get the hell over yourself! I listened to you now listen to me.” Do a high kick and then twirl around for good measure too. Having an opinion shows we are still individuals and that we haven’t succumbed to the zombie state many unimaginative, scared of looking at people cross ways, whimpering cowards around us have. It’s called give and take. They give their two cents and then you take it and turn it into a damn dollar!

Taking offense constantly, rather than rallying the troops for another wave of shock and awe over your impressive debating skills is a sad thing indeed. Study up, learn your facts and understand that the best way to have a spirited transfer of opposing ideas and thoughts is to present them in as clear a picture as possible.

Don’t muddy your argument with fuzzy facts or insults…it’s not necessary and it just makes you look like a fucking idiot. The goal is to be able to state your true point of view, not some watered down, politically skewed version. It should be an honest, heartfelt truth so when people hear it they walk away thinking, “Yeah, maybe I could get on board with that because she’s got a point.” Trust me here. And, you REALLY can. I’ve seen shit and lived to tell the tale!

© 2019 L.A. Askew

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to “In the Land of Reverie” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

An Ode to Rage…

Bark! Bark! Bark!
Finger Point! Outrage!
Blame. Blame. Blame.
I know you are but what am I?

Lurk. Lurk. Lurk.
Eyes scan for evidence.
Blame. Blame. Blame.
You've always been this way!

Whatabout? Whatabout? Whatabout?
Face reddens. Hot! Steaming!
Blame. Blame. Blame.
Adicted to the rage and cannot walk away.

Anger is an energy. Sometimes it spurs on positive action and sometimes it fills up the negative well inside those void of personal insight, those who thrive on conflict. Gotta rant. Gotta rage. It’s all they know so I guess I shouldn’t have expected anything else.

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2019/01/charles-duhigg-american-anger/576424/

I am not a devotee of chaos like some but I will say that given the option of being treated like an afterthought, only good for the occasional favor, and saying how I feel no matter the consequences…I will choose the latter. Like it or not.

https://www.everydayhealth.com/news/whats-your-anger-type/

And, to those that choose to take offense and those who purposely fan the flames of discord in order to keep the grudge going? I’m going to let it burn out. I’m done. You can win this hollow victory.

When you burn shit down you go all the way to the ground

Take offense or take my carefully considered words to heart, I care not which is chosen. Just do something different because this worn-out record is excruciating to listen to any longer and I am tired.

© 2019 L.A. Askew

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to “In the Land of Reverie” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Being grateful in ungrateful times…

I try so hard to see the positive attributes in people. I try even when people are the worst.

This past Christmas I dutifully sent out cards and gifts to people that I thought needed to be shown a sign that they are still loved despite the nasty blow-ups of 2018. Some may assume I send gifts to these people who rarely give me the time of day, unless they need something, as a way to curry favor or manipulate.

Nope.

I do it because I’m not an asshole.

The gratitude I feel because of the fortunate breaks I have received in my life is what fuels me to reach out even when I’m being slapped away. It makes me want to continue trying even though I know I am being vilified and discussed in a negative and inaccurate manner.

The only commandment we truly need

It’s okay. My soul will stay intact should the world blow up tomorrow. And yet, I will still hope they see the light before the big BOOM! It is how I was made, although I’m not certain how that particular personality quirk came about given the fucked up DNA that produced me.

The Universe is a curious place, with a wickedly cruel sense of humor it seems but I don’t spend a lot of time pondering why I am the way I am and my family is the way they are. They just are. I can hazard a guess as to why they react and strike out and rant and rave the way they do but it would fall on deaf ears because those who seek to tear down others invest no time in self-reflection.

Speaking of self-reflection and insight and personal evaluation, all of which I work on daily, I’d like to reiterate that not once have I ever crowned myself Queen Perfect. Nor have I ever reduced anyone to the level of an utter fuck-up. Even my ex-husband and ex-in-laws get good wishes from me because if they fail in life it not only impacts them, it impacts my daughter because her DNA is forever tied to them as well.

https://tonic.vice.com/en_us/article/qvwjm5/when-its-time-to-cut-off-a-family-member

I try to express gratitude every chance I get and have found that the best time to do it is right after the feelings of being slighted creep in. Honesty urges me to state that it is very hurtful when my daughter gets ignored by all of her maternal relatives except one.

Honesty pushes me to admit that I feel the sting of disappointment when, after taking the time to send a card, money or whatever I get a short text thanking me for the card but then don’t hear from the recipient again until the next gift-giving cycle. There are those who think I should stop sending cards and stop sending money since no meaningful contact has been made in nearly a year. Not for any graduations, birthdays or Christmas.

Should I show these unresponsive takers the same lack of consideration they show me? I don’t know if I can do that. Not the way I was made…remember? But, I do know that something has to give soon because the day may come when I realize that the best way to show gratitude is to start being good to myself and let go of those who find it perfectly okay to hurt, ignore and use others.

I’m not there yet. I still want to continue trying but in the meantime, I will cultivate and feel gratitude for the growing relationship I do have with one, singular sibling. I have not always been fair to her over the years and have not kept in touch like I should. I am working on changing that because I am grateful for her and my brother-in-law. Aside from my daughter and amazing partner and dear friends, they are all the actual family I have left.

© 2019 L.A. Askew

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to “In the Land of Reverie” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Are We Happy Yet?

It’s the most wonderful time of the year…according to a song written 55 years ago. And, that song, “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year”  is definitely a raucous party tune that depicts what it would be like to have wonderful friends and a family that actually gets along.

Among the festivities detailed in the song is the Victorian tradition of telling “scary ghost stories,” like in Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol. The song also talks about fabulous parties with family, spur of the moment drop-ins by friends and the whole human race engaging in various forms of social togetherness.

But, are we really feeling the wonder and joy and most importantly…are we even happy? It’s truly hard to tell anymore since up is down, down is up, the truth is a lie and lies are what currently cause the world spin on its axis of corruption and policy of personal profiteering. Ho! Ho! Ho!  Hand over your morals, your vote, and your wallet!

Why in the holy hell can’t people learn to get along??? Why are scowling, spittle spraying, bloated politicians being allowed to tinker with our moral compass in such a deliberate way that it’s making it hard to find our way home? Why are we stuck in the loop of only telling fear-inducing “scary ghost stories” or, the “us against them” staged tales? What is the lesson here? Even Ebenezer Scrooge learns his lesson and softens his heart or has that ending been changed now?

I’m tired.

I’m tired of listening to hate-filled opinions, twisted facts, and false information. I’m tired of knowing that my family was destroyed decades ago, through no fault of my own, but yet still today, I continue to carry the burden of guilt anyway.

Tired! Tired! Tired!

Look at what refusal to compromise has done. Look at what the desire to always be right rather than loving has accomplished. Does it make us happy?  Does it make us whole?

No? Then fix it! I can’t do that for you.

Little by little I am trying to fix the broken connections around me because it is my job to do so. My life, my mess, my job. I started first by examining my own heart to see where I needed to make repairs and then I looked at the grudges and resentments I continue to hold on to.

It’s hard to let go when you think you are so right and the other side is so wrong but what is left in the middle? Compromise? Peace maybe? I think I can forgo taking on the mantle of the Queen of Right in order to secure some peace for myself. Those who think that giving up the chance to WIN are missing the point that NO ONE WINS when you are standing all alone in your bitter victory.

For the sake of all humanity…welcome peace into your life. All fighters lose a battle eventually but it is the grace they show in defeat that lifts them up to the real winner’s circle in life. And that is a fact!

© 2018 L.A. Askew

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to “In the Land of Reverie” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Rehumanize yourself…

The world has gone mad.

Angry mad. Crazy mad. Foaming at the mouth mad.

And, no one seems to care. Except me and other horrified reasonable people!

I care very much and want to right all the wrongs. I want to fix everything that got smashed in the fight, to tape back together the relationships that have been torn apart by rhetoric, nastiness, spite and blatant lies.

But, once something is repaired it is never the same. Sometimes it’s better than before because lessons were learned and other times suspicion lingers, poking out around the glued edges, rough to the touch and seething on the inside.

To illustrate this point I will offer up my own familial example of the inability to grow after a blow-up. Here we are zooming up on 9 months, holidays coming and going but still no offer to mend the tear created when guns and voting for the Orange Anus tore asunder what my bible misinterpreting parents created. For those that hate reading between the beautifully crafted lines: I’m talking about my younger sister drama.

Click Here To Be Brought Up To Speed

I could suck it up and reach out BUT, would it do any good? I’m thinking if we follow the words above about how repaired things are never the same; sometimes stronger, sometimes weaker, then I think my situation will be weaker since this drama likes to lie. We were raised to think lying was essential to creating a positive impression of self so there ya go. Learned from the worst!

http://rolereboot.org/family/details/2015-08-when-parents-still-abuse-their-adult-children/

I’m okay with starting again, with the understanding that EVERYTHING gets put on the table. No hiding anything, all resentment exposed because OBVIOUSLY there is a mountain of resentment. Even as nasty as things went down, horrific crashes can be worked on, patched up and put back on the road to recovery. I’m open even if she isn’t.

Now, back to my original thought; how nasty the world appears. Let’s be clear, it’s always had a nasty underbelly. There have always been horrible, vile, disgusting, evil, self-serving people ready to take and then destroy anyone or thing that stands in their way. That is a fact and not just a hunch. It’s just that now being openly horrible, vile, disgusting and evil is apparently chic and all the rage amongst the racist, misogynist, homophobic, white nationalist, Nazi, fascist and sociopathic/psychopathic crowd. White hoods are in this dark season! As is cruelty.

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/06/06/opinion/trump-winning-america-.html

We see you. We hear you. We will not let the world forget what you are trying to do.

We, the true loving heart of this county WILL stop you.

Did you really think you would win?

Now, let’s talk about cruelty…

I was born into a family that held up emotional and physical cruelty as a sure fire way to control those who needed to be held down and shown their place. That place was never higher than the task master’s place and hovered just a smidge below that of the family dog. To say that the dog received more consideration from my father than we, his own children, is no exaggeration. Oh, some may say I am embellishing but, the sharp sting of a balled up fist connecting with the tender spot right between my shoulder blades says otherwise. I don’t recall the dog ever being hit.

Dates, time and exact GPS coordinates of acts of abuse can be confused after many years but the feelings attached are not. To those who scream about PROOF and documented reporting of such criminality my response is, fuck you.  I was 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16 and so demoralized that the embarrassment of even acknowledging what my family became was debilitating.

Bravo to you if you weren’t abused or abusive…but, and if we are being honest here, those who shout down the victimized usually do so because they have skeletons of their own to hide. Look in the mirror before you start snarling m’kay?

So? How do we heal?

Slowly and carefully.

My plan is to move forward one step at a time, living my best life, and when opportunities to heal old wounds with my sister are presented I will address them in the moment. There will be no continued rehashing of old business because that is simply crazy making and I have done enough of that. The way I envision it, reconciliation will start with laying all the trash out on the table, sorting through it and then bagging it up and throwing it out for good. And, get this, healing an old wound can also be accomplished simply by saying “hello” to someone that you once told, “go fuck yourself.”

It can be accomplished without all the whatabouts and butyousaids simply because I say that is how I will do it. Be clear, I have no control over how other parties will approach it though and that is okay. Any start is a good start.

Set aside the anger and learn.

This is all I have so, it is what I will do.

What will you do?

© 2018 L.A. Askew
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to “In the Land of Reverie” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Believability in unbelievable times…

Why didn’t she report it?

WHY?

WHY?

WHY?

In this day and age, after all that has been revealed by many, many women and men to ask WHY their pain and embarrassment and shame wasn’t paraded about for all to judge, criticize and tsk tsk is tantamount to siding with the abuser.

After all, when our own president vacillates between acting like a wronged man-victim and a cruel bully all within the course of a day it’s not hard to see where the inspiration for all the other abusers and powertrip seekers to assert their new found dominance came from.

But, it’s the supposedly conflicted fence riders that get me the most. If you can’t muster the strength of mind to speak up when you see blatant harassment and abuse occurring in real-time, right before your eyes, then what goddamned hope do we really have?

This is how I see this topic playing out in my mind:

Fence Sitter: But, I NEED to hear all the sides here! 

Empathy: Are you the judge and jury?

Fence Sitter: Well, no but I can’t make up my mind who to believe until I know all the dirt about the accuser.

Empathy: Hasn’t she been hurt enough by this? You do realize that by bullying her into revealing things that aren’t your business just to satisfy your gory car crash mentality is a form of revictimization right?

Fence Sitter: Hey, she asked for this by going public.

Empathy: Wow, can you hear yourself?

Fence Sitter: Hear what? I need to know more so I can make up my mind. She is making some pretty damaging allegations that could ruin a man’s life. You have to admit, she probably just wanted to be with him and he rejected her or something. Scorned woman syndrome.

Empathy: So, you actually have already made up your mind that she’s lying but you just want to tear her apart further by laying her personal life out on the table for the world to mock? 

Fence Sitter: Oh, I bet you weren’t perfect in high school or college either…

Empathy: Great job deflecting and playing the worn out tune of whataboutery. Bravo! Time to get off the fence dude, we all know where you stand now.

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Hey judgemental people, why do YOU do THAT? This is the question I pose to everyone out there that immediately casts doubt upon any woman (and men too but for this piece, I will speak to that which I know) that dares to talk about being sexually harassed, assaulted, molested or raped. Does the subject hit so close to home that in order to hide your own shame its easier to lash out at the person already knocked to the ground by years of keeping their trauma to themselves? Whatever happened to reserving judgment until all the facts are weighed while also remaining neutral AND respectful of both parties?

Wouldn’t that be nice? It would but it doesn’t happen that way. Not that I have ever personally experienced anyway. To mock sexual assault victims with jokes about their appearance, intelligence and morality is plainly a dick move. A big, bullying, shaming dickish move committed by both men and women, which is a huge head-scratcher in itself.

Women have the unenviable position of being shit on mentally and emotionally by both sexes while also juggling the fear of potentially being assaulted, raped or murdered should they dare venture out by themselves after dark to get a fucking chai latte or walk alone to their car doing any number of banal things men just DO without any thought to potential personal risk. Want to talk about something not being fair? THAT right there is hugely fucking unfair and it shouldn’t have to be this way.

So, what can women do to be believed when shit goes down? Start acting like men? Hmmm.. so if some dude tries to pussy grab me at a concert I should just do a sack clutch, squeeze and twist for fair measure? Okay, sounds cool to me! Of course, this is said in jest as I have no desire to touch strange sack but the point is this: WHAT GIVES YOU THE FUCKING RIGHT TO TOUCH ME IN THE FIRST PLACE? Who taught you that it was even remotely an acceptable thing?

Or…were you just taught that if you were going to do it then make sure you don’t get caught? Boys will be boys…until they assault and rape and then they are just criminals. Pretty simple to understand right?

If not, read up on it here

I am tired. Tired of always being on guard. Tired of having to check my facial expressions, emotions, and attire against the preconceived notions of how male society thinks a woman should behave. I’m fucking tired and no longer care if I hurt your feelings by speaking up when you say shitty things to me. I will no longer sit idly by while certain men tell me what a “lady” should be.

YOU’RE NOT A FUCKING WOMAN SO HOW THE HELL DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING AT ALL ABOUT WOMEN!!! I would never proclaim to be an expert on men but, yet…women aren’t even allowed to be experts on their own minds, attitudes, likes, dislikes, jobs, education, pay scale or their own vaginas. Fuck that!

Lady? Why should any of us be a LADY when abusers, molesters, and rapists hide behind the mask of GENTLEMAN all the time. Women have very legitimate reasons to not believe or trust men yet we are vilified as bitches, she-devils, banshees, sluts, whores and on and on just because we might have wounded a man’s pride somewhere down the line 5, 10, 15, 20 or 30 years ago?

Your pride? I would take a bruised ego and dented pride any day over being choked unconscious, slapped, hair ripped out of my head, drug across a room, thrown down stairs, beaten, stabbed, shot, raped and murdered any day. Pride! Get out of here with that!

Seriously, get out of here with that nonsense and start doing better. We are better than this and I’m ashamed at how little we have progressed. Boys can be tenderhearted, kind, loving and considerate just like girls can. It’s how they are taught to interact with others that makes the difference.

The issue of abuse of women will never end until men are taught to value themselves enough to invest in their hearts and stop being so fearful of women taking over. Aren’t you tired of this shit yet? I know I am.

© 2018 L.A. Askew
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to “In the Land of Reverie” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

When begging to be more connected to your fellow humans makes you feel even further apart…

How did we get to THIS point in time?

How in the hell did we let this happen?

Oh, and we definitely let this happen. Whether through anger, apathy or psychotic spite, WE let this happen and only we can pull our battered hearts and minds back from the gaping black maw of total emotional, intellectual and moral annihilation.

Welcome to the Ununited States of Division. In this new world, we insult those who refuse to adhere to outdated mores and we dig in deep, shaking our heads in steadfast opposition to any belief that is counter to those taught to us by good old Mom and Dad. Never giving a thought to the times Mom and Dad espoused racist and misogynistic ideologies by applying labels like “those people can’t be trusted” to minorities they had a beef with and “women need to know their place” when discussing equal pay for equal work.

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Or, when announcing your plan to go to college. “What? Do you think you are better than us or something?” Get married to a nice man who will take care of you they said. Okay, umm, but what if that isn’t what I want? “What YOU want? That’s a fairytale. People like us (women) don’t have the luxury of independence.” 

Damn Mom! Great fucking advice. Sorry, but you’ll need to step aside because my free will and intense determination are about to do a burnout on your puritanically Stepford-esque mindset. Does not compute…..never will compute.

Personal refrain aside, I hear the rousing cry from the male caucasian throng and from distant school acquaintances and formerly close family members alike; “Why can’t it be like it used to be?” You know, when everyone didn’t know everyone else’s political or religious views. Like, you know, in the good old days! Yeah, let’s go back to that!

When? The 20th century or before? Anytime from 1900 to before the internet being gifted to the populace and before they really got to see just how badly average people were being taken advantage of and abused? That time? Yes?  Oh, I see…before people became aware of how shit really goes down! Got it.

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I rant about my wish for humanity to get it together. To think about how purposeful insensitivity maligns and erodes the hearts and minds of the altruistic until there is nothing left but take, take, take it all before THOSE people try to get it first! Win at all costs even if it means trampling those with sincere intent and compassion to spare for any and all.

A pleading hand is extended to bridge the massive gap that divides us only to be slapped down in derision. “LOSERS! Only the smartest, richest and most devious will prevail! Suckers won’t know what hit them again in 2020!” 

It’s all pathetic and sad and also, predictable. So predictable that even though it hurts my heart to see and hear the evil the supposed righteous perpetrate I am comforted by the notion that my soul’s hot rod, fueled by renewed determination and copious amounts of free will is still ready to hit the road!

We are only isolated if we allow it and I DO NOT allow it! I get that some fear a power shift and they fear this because of how shitty they treated those viewed as “beneath”  them and worry that the desire for retribution will be too strong to resist. I get that completely and, trust me, dishing out some sweet, sweet retribution does sound mighty delicious but, I’m better than that. We are better than that.

Learn it and then live it so the chains of fear may release you. It’s a big world out there! Stop being a fucking disappointment!!!

© 2018 L.A. Askew
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to “In the Land of Reverie” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Loyalty and freedom; two words that don’t mean what many people think they mean.

Words. I know a lot of words. I use a lot of words.

They may not all be the BEST words or the SMARTEST words or the RICHEST words but the ones I know get the job done.

*Click each hyperlinked BEST WORD below for it’s equally SMART and RICH definition*

And, just to clarify I am indeed poking fun at the Grand Orange Wizard of DC and his obsessive need to TELL anyone that will listen or read a disjointed toilet tweet just how SMART and RICH he is and how all of his rage influenced decisions are the BEST.

I don’t have to pretend to be anything. I let people take in my words and then make up their own mind without requiring a loyalty oath or a DNA test. The only test I require of the people in my life is the DON’T BE A DICK TO OTHERS test. You treat others like second class citizens, no matter what walk of life or country they are from and we won’t be friends, ever.

If the measure of your GREATNESS is determined by how many people you can tear down in order to artificially build yourself up then you are not the best at all. You are hollow. And, rotten…just like this tree below.

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Recently I told a dear friend that I finally felt FREE. I told them that I finally had an actual HOME and what that meant to me. We chatted back and forth about the difference between freedom or being unburdened or some other word that describes being untethered from the burdens of the past and it was nice. In this comfortable exchange of words, ones  I was able to choose without hesitation, I could both feel and see my path to reconnecting with my soul and finding true liberation.

THAT was the WORD I was looking for!!! LIBERATION!

I have liberated myself from the past and the people who built mile high roadblocks all around me. I crawled up and out. No longer contained. No longer quietly taking it. I am and furthermore will now be most LOYAL to myself.  And, no matter what crazy-making gaslighting words those opposed to personal liberation use…to myself I will remain most steadfastly true.

When we lose our own ability to think freely and choose freely then peace will remain out of reach for those that need it most. Our peace, the peace that should belong to the collective GOOD of the world will remain stamped down under the foot of those who oppress in order to profit financially and to stroke their huge ego.

YOU DO NOT OWN ME

YOU WILL NEVER SILENCE ME

WHEN BODIES CEASE TO EXIST…WORDS LIVE ON

Read up on why powerful women are seen as so threatening…

No one will take my ability to be me away nor will they force contradictory views upon me to wear like a razor wire collar. Hypocrisy will not be made invisible, hidden behind a costume crafted to depict biblical morality. No, it will not. I will be the wind that continues blowing, gusting to create massive billows that rip their charade into undeniable tatters. The squeaky wheel gets the grease and the loudest thunderclap produces the most spectacular lightning.

be-yourself

I AM HOME

I AM FREE

I AM LOYAL TO ME

My power is my ability to speak the truth and not be swayed by the purposeful nonsense of those who do not want me to be liberated, outspoken or educated. That may be their wish but wishes don’t always come true sweeties and this woman has many arrows at the ready to shoot down liberation killing bombs. It’s the AMERICAN WAY after all! Right? Or is that only reserved for white Christian males? It’s a great time to have a penis and a bible!

I see what is going on. I always have. It’s just that now the overtness of the self-labeled “right” has never felt so wrong and I am at an age where I no longer give a shit whether some old white fucker values my contributions to this world or not.  So now, I will continue to contribute at an even faster pace just to doubly piss the privileged  “right” folk off.

You may have written the rules and started the war but I am exceptionally adept at being versatile and can change direction at the drop of a Southern Gentleman’s Hat.

Take cover boys!

BOOM!

© 2018 L.A. Askew
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to “In the Land of Reverie” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.