Would you care for a truckload of veiled hostility with your cup of manipulation?

Why is it so hard for some people to differentiate between unresolved personal resentment and social outrage? Why do some view manipulation, insults, and threats as viable persuasion tactics?

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/toxic-relationships/201704/are-you-being-manipulated

Are they simply superimposing their inner anger and insecurity over the top of current events as a veil to shield themselves from introspection and personal responsibility? Or, are they really just truly shitty people who want everyone else to feel as shitty as they do?

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201901/why-narcissist-will-never-back-down

Are they nasty human beings that actually hate others because of their geographical location, skin color, religious/non-religious beliefs, political/non-political views, socio-economic standing, sexual orientation or gender identity? Or, are they damaged mentally and emotionally by years of personal abuse that they refuse to seek help for or publically address for fear of unfair judgement?

Take that in for a moment…

There is the possibility that they judge others harshly because they fear to be judged themselves?

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/i-hear-you/201710/10-reasons-why-people-refuse-talk-therapists

What?

There is a fix for that you know?  It’s called therapy. It’s called personal insight. It’s called being sick and tired of being sick and tired. It’s called doing the opposite because everything you have done up to this point in time has not worked George!

Haven’t you had enough?

I write this piece because I once lived in a “swamp” of unresolved resentment, anger, and fear over how others might perceive me. I was raised to care more about how others viewed me than how I viewed myself because to be sensitive, thoughtful and kind was weak. I was taught that everyone was out to get me and that it was every “man” for themselves in this dog eat dog world. I knew that was crap and a lame attempt at shifting responsibility but it still corrupted my world view for many years.

Newsflash: NO ONE IS OUT TO GET YOU!  The only enemy you have is the enemy within. But, if holding onto rage fuels your soul then good luck with that. I for one would like to live without the worry of dropping dead from a rage induced heart attack or a stroke. I’d like to live to see my future grandkids.

Why is this so hard to understand?

When you think you are right but you are hurting everyone around you=WRONG!

I have many, many questions about the current state of affairs; why people cling to misinformation, fear, myths, lies, and prejudices.  Is it a dirty badge of honor? Is it some sort of reward for having gone through hardship?

Everyone goes through some hardship at one point or another in their lives. Some dwell on it, reveling in the tales of fights with family members and how they were the victor in an imagined battle of wills. What trophy did you get? Fewer family members or friends and a prospect of future personal isolation? That isn’t a trophy I want and will gladly concede defeat in the great War of Manipulation and Imagined Hurt.

Does this mean that those who pull back and refuse to engage further are weak? Does it mean they are losers?

Sure, I lobbed a few bombs back at first, in defense, but retreating now holds no shame when it protects peace of mind, physical wellbeing, and self-respect. I respect myself for having the courage to voice how I feel and will not apologize to anyone. Speaking truth to tyranny is never offensive because truth is power and those who take exception to my speaking out should be disappointed in themselves for refusing to be honest. It’s not like others don’t already know bits and pieces of your personal drama so you might as well own it. You aren’t fooling anyone.

And, it totally is stupid shit, isn’t it?

The world contains enough negativity. Choose to engage with the positive side of your soul and learn to forgive yourself, others, the world…whichever you deem most deserving. It’s time.

Moving on

I moved.

Both physically and mentally.

It was time.

The house I lived in for 18 years, a house filled with good ghosts and bad ghosts, the specters of a past I have both hated and loved. So what now? The answer to that is this; I finally get to go to a place I am wanted, loved and respected. And, it feels nice.

Some people are miserable after they move…I was not!

I’m not saying that no one has loved me in my past. My grandparents loved me, aunts, uncles, cousins and I’m sure, somewhere deep in the cortex of their brains, my parents and siblings loved me at one time. They had an odd way of showing it but I am sure a small sliver of like, if not love, was there briefly. And if not, I am not going to lose any sleep over it.

Bye, bye, bye…

The stories my former house can tell are a mixture of hilarity, aggravation, joy, anger and finally, resignation. Some I recall with relish and others I wish would slip quietly from my mind, never to be replayed again.

a32dac6705fc0299ff7891f23a59bfb2--abandoned-homes-abandoned-buildings

I feel the same way about most of my childhood homes as well and we moved around a lot! But, none of those homes had my name on the deed nor did I pay the mortgage. This house was paid for not only with my hard-earned wages but also a pound of flesh here and there combined with nearly every ounce of my self-respect.

And now, its sold. A done deal. A new start for someone else and I am glad.

My only hope is that the bad juju does not stay attached to either the house or myself.

Release, restore and relax!!!! It’s over woman. You are finally free!

© 2018 L.A. Askew
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