*Originally written February 5, 2025

I’m finally getting around to cleaning out my draft folder and upon reading this one I decided a disclaimer needed to be added about when this was originally written to avoid any potential anger or paranoia. I still have the occasional disgruntled lurker so I want to be crystal clear on this matter.

I have a lot of drafts just hanging out waiting to be finished and as I continue to struggle with finding the proper motivation to continue writing, unfinished they have remained for months. Why? The people I want to care and understand don’t and those who do are active participants in my life in the here and now. They create joy in my life, not pain so, maybe I should start writing about them instead to change things up. I know that would certainly be easier and more enjoyable.

Now, on to the topic at hand…

Maybe it’s the passing of time, gathered experience, self reflection or just a new found ability to fine tune my always present instincts but, I’ve finally figured some things out.

Here’s a list, in no particular order of importance. Just my thoughts, written down. Take your time. Let each one roll around the grey matter, poking and prodding until something tickles a brain cell or two.

1. It doesn’t matter if everyone likes you
2. DNA does not guarantee respect or love
3. You do not have to be polite to nasty people
4. Turning the other cheek is bad advice
5. Selfishness can be cured, narcissism cannot
6. Talking about hard topics is healthy and wise
7. Stuffing down uncomfortable feelings is not recommended
8. Pretending to be happy when you are not is foolish
9. Cutting down others thinking it will help ease self loathing is ridiculous
10. Refusing to ask for help is not stoic, it’s stupid

When I was younger I exhibited many selfish tendencies, as those in the throws of youth do, and had little patience but I always knew being this way was neither good nor wise. I innately understood what was good, what was bad and the difference between right and wrong very clearly, without prompting or hesitation. The lessons I learned by watching others made me realize why they were disliked and why I never wanted to end up like them. To be older and still bitter without an ounce of compassion, caring or empathy is not a goal. It’s something I vowed to fight against and so, I have and will continue to do so.

Oh, some may call me bitter or angry but they purposely conflate passion and strong boundaries with something negative because they do not understand or appreciate inner work and do not have the courage to create change within themselves. Or, they never believed they did anything wrong and everything was someone else’s fault so they deflect and project like pros. Never them always you, the twisted song of my upbringing brought to the ever present forefront. You are bad! YOU are evil! YOU ARE THE PROBLEM! Yeah, maybe I am the problem to you but to me, I am a solution, a cause, a guiding light, a cautionary tale and a fabulous thorn in the ass of the arrogant and ignorant.

You are welcome!

All it takes is a quick glance at many a social media post to know where the real problem lies and for me, it’s usually draped in a flag and wearing a cross. Throw in a bizarre take on civics, psychology, biology, genetics, vaccines and top it with the oftentimes shouted misconception that a liberal arts degree is referencing a despised political party rather than a “broad, multidisciplinary approach to education” and you suddenly have a ready made nemesis. The educated are the enemy and the faithful followers are the prodigal children. I follow my instincts but you do you I guess.

How dare you be curious! It’s a sin to question the propaganda shoved in your face at every turn. Follow blindly and never, EVER engage in critical thinking because that is evil and you will be mistrusted and deserving of every harm that befalls you. “We, the righteous warriors, the true red, white and blue, God fearing patriots tried to tell you!” Bark! Bark! Bark! They are so loud and always so, so emotional with all their FEELINGS on display. Get a grip.

It’s okay to admit you are scared and to acknowledge how you previously moved through life was limiting, off-putting and personally damaging. It’s okay to say you don’t know everything and have doubts. It’s okay to seek help, advice and further education about the world we all live in together and about who we are inside. You don’t need an expensive therapist for that (but starting out with a reasonably priced one gets the ball rolling), and a simple willingness to look inward and ask hard questions about behavior, good or bad, keeps positive momentum going. If you float through life always thinking you’re right while relationships flounder around you then maybe the common negative denominator is the person in the mirror.

Ask the question: “Is it me?”

I ask that of myself as well because it’s what healthy human beings do and is not remotely weak. Those telling you self reflection or improvement is “liberal” or for “snowflakes” are sad individuals who are afraid of actually living. Making adjustments is all part of evolving and if we aren’t actively improving and growing then we are passively dying. I don’t know about you but that sounds miserable. Speaking out about experiences that were harmful or interactions with people who created dangerous situations shows a willingness to grow from that experience and also a strong backbone to withstand criticism moving forward.

It’s hard knowing someone close to you may be actively rooting for your failure or even demise because breaking generational trauma patterns might expose who is the weak link in the chain of humanity. What a limiting and lonely existence because when all is said and done and the years continue marching on with no stopping to reflect or grow, they will be all alone. But you won’t, because you did the work and you stopped listening to negative dark cloud people who are so afraid of their own shadows that they never venture out in the world.

I don’t need a book or a flag to show me how to be a good person, it has always been inside of me and no amount of fear mongering will sway that engrained knowledge. It is truth, not myth, not parable, not interpretation or wishful prayer. My work is geared toward the betterment of myself and the enrichment of those I cherish and who love me unconditionally. This is the era of ME and MINE remember? I strengthen myself so I can be in a better position to lift up, encourage and inspire my loved ones.

So now, living by example is the best thing to do in a world that is currently fueled by hatred, deception and chaos. I have a journey to take and memories to make so I refuse to expend energy on those with less than moral intentions, those who would find actual joy in my failures. My world was not created for them to consume at will and I decide who is allowed inside because just as we are not guaranteed a tomorrow they are also not guaranteed free access to me.

Keep learning, keep growing and all the negative chatter will simply fade into the background of history. As it should.

© 2025-2026 L.A. Cobb

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