Tag Life Lessons

Believability in unbelievable times…

Elle Reverie Leave a comment

Why didn’t she report it?

WHY?

WHY?

WHY?

In this day and age, after all that has been revealed by many, many women and men to ask WHY their pain and embarrassment and shame wasn’t paraded about for all to judge, criticize and tsk tsk is tantamount to siding with the abuser.

After all, when our own president vacillates between acting like a wronged man-victim and a cruel bully all within the course of a day it’s not hard to see where the inspiration for all the other abusers and powertrip seekers to assert their new found dominance came from.

But, it’s the supposedly conflicted fence riders that get me the most. If you can’t muster the strength of mind to speak up when you see blatant harassment and abuse occurring in real-time, right before your eyes, then what goddamned hope do we really have?

This is how I see this topic playing out in my mind:

Fence Sitter: But, I NEED to hear all the sides here! 

Empathy: Are you the judge and jury?

Fence Sitter: Well, no but I can’t make up my mind who to believe until I know all the dirt about the accuser.

Empathy: Hasn’t she been hurt enough by this? You do realize that by bullying her into revealing things that aren’t your business just to satisfy your gory car crash mentality is a form of revictimization right?

Fence Sitter: Hey, she asked for this by going public.

Empathy: Wow, can you hear yourself?

Fence Sitter: Hear what? I need to know more so I can make up my mind. She is making some pretty damaging allegations that could ruin a man’s life. You have to admit, she probably just wanted to be with him and he rejected her or something. Scorned woman syndrome.

Empathy: So, you actually have already made up your mind that she’s lying but you just want to tear her apart further by laying her personal life out on the table for the world to mock? 

Fence Sitter: Oh, I bet you weren’t perfect in high school or college either…

Empathy: Great job deflecting and playing the worn out tune of whataboutery. Bravo! Time to get off the fence dude, we all know where you stand now.

giphy[1]

Hey judgemental people, why do YOU do THAT? This is the question I pose to everyone out there that immediately casts doubt upon any woman (and men too but for this piece, I will speak to that which I know) that dares to talk about being sexually harassed, assaulted, molested or raped. Does the subject hit so close to home that in order to hide your own shame its easier to lash out at the person already knocked to the ground by years of keeping their trauma to themselves? Whatever happened to reserving judgment until all the facts are weighed while also remaining neutral AND respectful of both parties?

Wouldn’t that be nice? It would but it doesn’t happen that way. Not that I have ever personally experienced anyway. To mock sexual assault victims with jokes about their appearance, intelligence and morality is plainly a dick move. A big, bullying, shaming dickish move committed by both men and women, which is a huge head-scratcher in itself.

Women have the unenviable position of being shit on mentally and emotionally by both sexes while also juggling the fear of potentially being assaulted, raped or murdered should they dare venture out by themselves after dark to get a fucking chai latte or walk alone to their car doing any number of banal things men just DO without any thought to potential personal risk. Want to talk about something not being fair? THAT right there is hugely fucking unfair and it shouldn’t have to be this way.

So, what can women do to be believed when shit goes down? Start acting like men? Hmmm.. so if some dude tries to pussy grab me at a concert I should just do a sack clutch, squeeze and twist for fair measure? Okay, sounds cool to me! Of course, this is said in jest as I have no desire to touch strange sack but the point is this: WHAT GIVES YOU THE FUCKING RIGHT TO TOUCH ME IN THE FIRST PLACE? Who taught you that it was even remotely an acceptable thing?

Or…were you just taught that if you were going to do it then make sure you don’t get caught? Boys will be boys…until they assault and rape and then they are just criminals. Pretty simple to understand right?

If not, read up on it here

I am tired. Tired of always being on guard. Tired of having to check my facial expressions, emotions, and attire against the preconceived notions of how male society thinks a woman should behave. I’m fucking tired and no longer care if I hurt your feelings by speaking up when you say shitty things to me. I will no longer sit idly by while certain men tell me what a “lady” should be.

YOU’RE NOT A FUCKING WOMAN SO HOW THE HELL DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING AT ALL ABOUT WOMEN!!! I would never proclaim to be an expert on men but, yet…women aren’t even allowed to be experts on their own minds, attitudes, likes, dislikes, jobs, education, pay scale or their own vaginas. Fuck that!

Lady? Why should any of us be a LADY when abusers, molesters, and rapists hide behind the mask of GENTLEMAN all the time. Women have very legitimate reasons to not believe or trust men yet we are vilified as bitches, she-devils, banshees, sluts, whores and on and on just because we might have wounded a man’s pride somewhere down the line 5, 10, 15, 20 or 30 years ago?

Your pride? I would take a bruised ego and dented pride any day over being choked unconscious, slapped, hair ripped out of my head, drug across a room, thrown down stairs, beaten, stabbed, shot, raped and murdered any day. Pride! Get out of here with that!

Seriously, get out of here with that nonsense and start doing better. We are better than this and I’m ashamed at how little we have progressed. Boys can be tenderhearted, kind, loving and considerate just like girls can. It’s how they are taught to interact with others that makes the difference.

The issue of abuse of women will never end until men are taught to value themselves enough to invest in their hearts and stop being so fearful of women taking over. Aren’t you tired of this shit yet? I know I am.

© 2018 L.A. Askew
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to “In the Land of Reverie” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

When begging to be more connected to your fellow humans makes you feel even further apart…

Elle Reverie Leave a comment

How did we get to THIS point in time?

How in the hell did we let this happen?

Oh, and we definitely let this happen. Whether through anger, apathy or psychotic spite, WE let this happen and only we can pull our battered hearts and minds back from the gaping black maw of total emotional, intellectual and moral annihilation.

Welcome to the Ununited States of Division. In this new world, we insult those who refuse to adhere to outdated mores and we dig in deep, shaking our heads in steadfast opposition to any belief that is counter to those taught to us by good old Mom and Dad. Never giving a thought to the times Mom and Dad espoused racist and misogynistic ideologies by applying labels like “those people can’t be trusted” to minorities they had a beef with and “women need to know their place” when discussing equal pay for equal work.

sexist-ad-honeywell-51-swscan02242-copy

Or, when announcing your plan to go to college. “What? Do you think you are better than us or something?” Get married to a nice man who will take care of you they said. Okay, umm, but what if that isn’t what I want? “What YOU want? That’s a fairytale. People like us (women) don’t have the luxury of independence.” 

Damn Mom! Great fucking advice. Sorry, but you’ll need to step aside because my free will and intense determination are about to do a burnout on your puritanically Stepford-esque mindset. Does not compute…..never will compute.

Personal refrain aside, I hear the rousing cry from the male caucasian throng and from distant school acquaintances and formerly close family members alike; “Why can’t it be like it used to be?” You know, when everyone didn’t know everyone else’s political or religious views. Like, you know, in the good old days! Yeah, let’s go back to that!

When? The 20th century or before? Anytime from 1900 to before the internet being gifted to the populace and before they really got to see just how badly average people were being taken advantage of and abused? That time? Yes?  Oh, I see…before people became aware of how shit really goes down! Got it.

1_e47ccB48huAJse6jy6TQGA

I rant about my wish for humanity to get it together. To think about how purposeful insensitivity maligns and erodes the hearts and minds of the altruistic until there is nothing left but take, take, take it all before THOSE people try to get it first! Win at all costs even if it means trampling those with sincere intent and compassion to spare for any and all.

A pleading hand is extended to bridge the massive gap that divides us only to be slapped down in derision. “LOSERS! Only the smartest, richest and most devious will prevail! Suckers won’t know what hit them again in 2020!” 

It’s all pathetic and sad and also, predictable. So predictable that even though it hurts my heart to see and hear the evil the supposed righteous perpetrate I am comforted by the notion that my soul’s hot rod, fueled by renewed determination and copious amounts of free will is still ready to hit the road!

We are only isolated if we allow it and I DO NOT allow it! I get that some fear a power shift and they fear this because of how shitty they treated those viewed as “beneath”  them and worry that the desire for retribution will be too strong to resist. I get that completely and, trust me, dishing out some sweet, sweet retribution does sound mighty delicious but, I’m better than that. We are better than that.

Learn it and then live it so the chains of fear may release you. It’s a big world out there! Stop being a fucking disappointment!!!

© 2018 L.A. Askew
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to “In the Land of Reverie” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

The lessons learned after the loss of a loved one…

Elle Reverie Leave a comment

Loss.

It never gets easier.

Over the past year, I have lost family members to grudges, jealousy, and plain old meanness. This past week though, I lost the only father figure I had in my life to the ravages of old age; the kind of fight that beats both the body and mind to ragged pieces and leaves family members emotionally shattered. This particular beat-down lasted 3 years and while we begged him to “hang on” the reality was that we totally missed the mark on understanding what he really wanted.

He wanted to be free.

Free from pain, free from the depression associated with loss of mobility, loss of meaningful purpose and loss of the life he once led. I get that now. I get that he wasn’t purposely trying to hurt us by checking out months before he actually died. He just wanted to be out of pain, both physically and mentally and the only relief available was to be found in the finality of death. We didn’t want to see the simplicity in this and chose to make it about our own needs.

For those left behind the lingering regrets will gnaw at our own minds as grief is want to do and, if left unchecked, those regrets will start the insidious erosion process on our bodies as well. The goal now is to stop the cycle and choose how we approach this new chapter in our lives; live with regrets or LIVE.

I want to live. I want to make my dad of 8 years proud of me. Proud in a way my biological father would never have the capacity to understand. To say that I didn’t send a grief-stricken plea out to the universe with a note attached that said, “I needed you to be my dad a little longer” would be a lie because I did. I had to voice that truth and then promise to do better going forward.

I will do that for this dear man who I grew to love and respect. Whose stories about the exciting life he led were always a highlight of every visit and whose quick wit was always several steps ahead of mine and so awe-inspiring. I wanted to hear more stories because they connected me further to him and also made me realize that we had a lot in common. But, since that’s no longer possible it becomes my duty to pass what I know of him on and to live my best life for this amazingly witty man who literally impacted the lives of so many doing what he did the best which was teaching.

We learn from loss if we choose to listen to the stories it tells. Choose to listen.

© 2018 L.A. Askew
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to “In the Land of Reverie” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Loyalty and freedom; two words that don’t mean what many people think they mean.

Elle Reverie Leave a comment

Words. I know a lot of words. I use a lot of words.

They may not all be the BEST words or the SMARTEST words or the RICHEST words but the ones I know get the job done.

*Click each hyperlinked BEST WORD below for it’s equally SMART and RICH definition*

And, just to clarify I am indeed poking fun at the Grand Orange Wizard of DC and his obsessive need to TELL anyone that will listen or read a disjointed toilet tweet just how SMART and RICH he is and how all of his rage influenced decisions are the BEST.

I don’t have to pretend to be anything. I let people take in my words and then make up their own mind without requiring a loyalty oath or a DNA test. The only test I require of the people in my life is the DON’T BE A DICK TO OTHERS test. You treat others like second class citizens, no matter what walk of life or country they are from and we won’t be friends, ever.

If the measure of your GREATNESS is determined by how many people you can tear down in order to artificially build yourself up then you are not the best at all. You are hollow. And, rotten…just like this tree below.

DSCN5437-Spectacularly-rotten-hollow-willow

Recently I told a dear friend that I finally felt FREE. I told them that I finally had an actual HOME and what that meant to me. We chatted back and forth about the difference between freedom or being unburdened or some other word that describes being untethered from the burdens of the past and it was nice. In this comfortable exchange of words, ones  I was able to choose without hesitation, I could both feel and see my path to reconnecting with my soul and finding true liberation.

THAT was the WORD I was looking for!!! LIBERATION!

I have liberated myself from the past and the people who built mile high roadblocks all around me. I crawled up and out. No longer contained. No longer quietly taking it. I am and furthermore will now be most LOYAL to myself.  And, no matter what crazy-making gaslighting words those opposed to personal liberation use…to myself I will remain most steadfastly true.

When we lose our own ability to think freely and choose freely then peace will remain out of reach for those that need it most. Our peace, the peace that should belong to the collective GOOD of the world will remain stamped down under the foot of those who oppress in order to profit financially and to stroke their huge ego.

YOU DO NOT OWN ME

YOU WILL NEVER SILENCE ME

WHEN BODIES CEASE TO EXIST…WORDS LIVE ON

Read up on why powerful women are seen as so threatening…

No one will take my ability to be me away nor will they force contradictory views upon me to wear like a razor wire collar. Hypocrisy will not be made invisible, hidden behind a costume crafted to depict biblical morality. No, it will not. I will be the wind that continues blowing, gusting to create massive billows that rip their charade into undeniable tatters. The squeaky wheel gets the grease and the loudest thunderclap produces the most spectacular lightning.

be-yourself

I AM HOME

I AM FREE

I AM LOYAL TO ME

My power is my ability to speak the truth and not be swayed by the purposeful nonsense of those who do not want me to be liberated, outspoken or educated. That may be their wish but wishes don’t always come true sweeties and this woman has many arrows at the ready to shoot down liberation killing bombs. It’s the AMERICAN WAY after all! Right? Or is that only reserved for white Christian males? It’s a great time to have a penis and a bible!

I see what is going on. I always have. It’s just that now the overtness of the self-labeled “right” has never felt so wrong and I am at an age where I no longer give a shit whether some old white fucker values my contributions to this world or not.  So now, I will continue to contribute at an even faster pace just to doubly piss the privileged  “right” folk off.

You may have written the rules and started the war but I am exceptionally adept at being versatile and can change direction at the drop of a Southern Gentleman’s Hat.

Take cover boys!

BOOM!

© 2018 L.A. Askew
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to “In the Land of Reverie” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.