On pain, suffering and depression: How to tell the arrogantly insensitive to shove it.

Seeing all of the abject pain and utter suffering of human beings lately, whether they are friends, family, strangers or even celebrities, makes me search for the proper words to describe how it makes me feel.

In short, it makes me feel angry but also hopeful that I and many others can and will tell those who have no interest in understanding or helping to stop being a roadblock. Stop being patronizing. Stop being arrogant. Stop being ignorant. And, stop lying to yourself. I know you feel some of the same things I have…I know you feel unsure about how to own those feelings.


FEEL..a word that I was taught to fear and avoid at all costs.  While I can’t say that I am a “typical” depressed person (whatever that is) I can say that I have felt that removing myself from the world would make life easier for others. I entertained this thought because of negative things I was told and after that further negative things began to cultivate in my brain until I believed them to be the only solution. I don’t know now. After reading what I just wrote maybe I am a typical depressed person. I’m okay with that label.

The belief that checking out would be for the greater good of those in my life was all I had since I had no support from family. I was too afraid to tell anyone I knew that their supposed strong friend was actually racked with doubt, fear, and anxiety. When we FEEL we tend to care more about others and ourselves and when we share those feelings, well then, that just makes many people fucking uncomfortable. And, we certainly don’t want to make assholes uncomfortable right?


My new goal in life is to take uncomfortable subjects and smear them right in the faces of the willfully cruel and self-centered pricks of the world. A massive glob of feelings-filled reality jam if you will. Except there is nothing sweet or enjoyable about it, unlike real, fruit jam which I love!

The point here is to expose the “selective feeling and lack of understanding” or self-deceiving crowd to the inner workings of the true human experience in the hope that they will either learn something and grow from it or they will shut the fuck up and crawl back under their rocks. Pretty simple I think. You either give a shit and try to help or you close your excrement filled mouth and stay the hell out of the conversation until a proper education occurs.

Mean? Maybe, but guess what? I’m done caring what others think of my empowerment goal and it’s not like that sentiment isn’t felt in a reverse fashion by the current hate mongers that claim to be in “charge.” There is nothing inclusive or understanding about what the Orange Anus is crop dusting all over the reasonable citizens of this fine country so to think any of his followers don’t wish ill on anyone not like them is naive and dangerous.

It’s a modified “kind but cautious” approach. I can empathize and help but I can also unleash a verbal blowtorch along with an ass-kicking if needed. Reasonable doesn’t mean weak or pacifist.  It means I will listen to reason and weigh the facts but if you give me a reason to believe that you wish me harm?  IT IS ON!

I write all of this in the wake of numerous reports of the uptick in suicides in America, the deaths of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain and also the increase in human slugs inciting the vulnerable to possibly consider or complete suicide because of horrific and vicious things they post online while trolling.

Why do you assholes do this? I can ask the question but I know I will get vague spittles of bigger lies that cannot be admitted because trolls do not possess the courage to be open and honest.

So, now, the movement I want to start is one of speaking, out loud, about pain, fears, anguish, hurt and loneliness. Ask about it if you are unsure and your gut says something is wrong. ASK. When we ask questions we learn a lot about others and ourselves. We learn that we are both alike and not alike at all. We learn about our capacity to help others and, most importantly, we learn that we are not alone. There are many weird, scared, anxious, insecure yet wonderful people out there just like us.


Listen to others when they reciprocate in kind. Listen to understand and not to reply. If you are thinking about what you will say in response before someone has even finished sharing their deepest pain with you then go back to the beginning because you aren’t helping anyone.

What if you have no reply? What if you have no common experience to offer? Listening is just that, silent concentration on the speaker and if there is no common experience to share then please do not try to make something up.  They will know you are lying and for what? We all don’t have to live through similar things in order to give a damn about one another.

It truly isn’t that hard!

Speak out. Ask questions. Listen. Learn. Love.

Repeat until there are more kind people than assholes in the world. Hear that, assholes? Your days in power are numbered.


© 2018 L.A. Askew
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to “In the Land of Reverie” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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